Jonah Jeremiah Jones
“Mystery creates wonder and wonder is the basis of man's desire to understand.” -Neil Armstrong
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Lullaby For A Stormy Night | @Grace
JJ found himself wandering the streets. It was his first day off in awhile and the flat seemed a little too suffocating. He hadn’t completely finished picking up his room but he needed a break from that, from everything. His mind would always wander back to Ali, wondering what she was doing and if she missed him as much as he was missing her.He knew he’d said he wanted space but he thought of calling her anyway, surprising her with something. But that wasn’t exactly what taking a break consisted of was it? JJ continued his walk, up and down the streets of Bristol. A heavy feeling formed in his chest, as if someone was pushing down on him. His initial thought was that it was a heart attack, that he was going to die without being able to say goodbye to anyone. What would Celia do without him? She would be crushed, she would surely become numb and never speak or cook again. Edward would die of starvation all because JJ decided to walk around Bristol and die on the streets. He brought his thoughts back to reality and looked around. JJ realized he was standing in front of a huge brick building…the building where Grace’s ballet studio was located. “On the fourth floor,” he said to himself. Before he realized it, he opened the heavy steel door and walked up a flight up steps. He knew it would be better he turn around now before he even saw the place, this was a step in the wrong direction. JJ continued to climb the stairs and got to the door that separated him from his memories. He walked up to the small glass mirror on the door and closed his eyes, it wasn’t too late to turn around. He hadn’t seen the place yet. JJ’s hand reached for the door knob and the door swung open easily.
He took one step inside and opened his eyes, admiring the way the sun shined through the big windows into the room. He glanced in the corner and noticed the broken glass still on the floor from his last visit to the studio, just after Grace’s accident. JJ grabbed a broom from the small closet and began sweeping up the mess. He threw the glass in a small waste bin and picked up the last little shard that escaped. It pricked him on the finger, causing a deep cut and blood started to drip down his finger. He grabbed a cloth out of the closet and pressed it to his finger, immediately regretting it after realizing how unsanitary the rag must have been. JJ slid down the wall in the closet and sat on the floor. He pulled out his phone and dialed Ali’s number. To his disappointment there was no answer. He sighed and closed his eyes. This place was doing something to him, bringing back painful memories he worked so hard to push to the back of his mind. JJ could never completely forget about Grace, even though he’d been deleted from her memory. The sunlight lighting up the studio started to fade. He looked out of the huge antique windows from his position on the floor and watched the raindrops beat against it. Thunder sounded in the distance and JJ decided he was trapped there until the storm passed. He closed his eyes remembering when he first found the studio. Keith had told him about it and he was more than excited to turn it into a place Grace would go to to just get away. She deserved it. Little did he know it would be a place she would never use, a place she would forget. JJ buried his face in his hands. Why was he doing this to himself? He pulled at his hair and kept his head down, “Once the rain stops..you leave..” he promised himself. What if he didn’t want to leave? Maybe this was a piece of the past he was still holding onto.
She couldn’t sleep, no matter what she did sleep evaded her at every turn. Something wasn’t right. Normally she could sleep right through a storm but not tonight. She got out of her bed and looked out of the window. There was no rain coming down, maybe it was one of those rare thunder storms. Dancing practice had brought old fears and old memories to the surface. Sitting the audience…watching the other perform…she wondered if she could ever do it again. They all were so beautiful in their movements, like they were walking on air. They were graceful and elegant like swans. Lyle brought her up the stage where the others were. He went slowly with her and showed her the steps. She was clumsy, like a baby giraffe. The longer the practice went on the more insecure she became with herself. She saw the others stare and giggle at her. Lyle told her not to pay attention to them but it was already too late. The seeds of doubt were already planted. By the time that her grandparents came to pick her up she was almost ready to burst into tears. She refused to talk to them when they got to the house and refused to talk to them at dinner. She couldn’t stop thinking about how she was a failure. How her life’s dream was slowly slipping away from her. Grace looked at her phone once more, still nothing from Rich or from Franky. Where were her friends? She needed them…very much.
She knew that she would go crazy if she stayed in the house. She needed to get out…she needed to think. Grace changed into some jean shorts and an over-sized t-shirt. She snuck down the staircase and walked pass the kitchen. Burke was laying on the floor sleeping and snoring loudly. Before she got to the door she stopped herself…she couldn’t just leave…what if her grandparents woke and found her gone. Grace found a piece of paper and scribbled that she had gone out and not to be worried. She grabbed an umbrella and went out the door. She walked along the path outside of the neighborhood and towards the road. She didn’t have a destination set, all she wanted to do was clear her mind. The studio…it reminded her of another place…a special place. It reminded her of Jonah. As her memory came back so did thoughts of him. A sweet memories as well as that terrible day back when she had woken up. It hurt so much to say goodbye…not remember…now it hurt to remember. They were happy…truly happy…but it seemed that life had different plans for them. It was then Grace felt a drop of rain on her shoulder and then another and another. Oh no…She put up her umbrella but it didn’t seem to do much good, the wind was picking up and after awhile it blew out the umbrella. Grace threw on the ground and started to run looking for a place to take shelter in. The rain was really coming and she was getting soaked. She put her hand over her eyes and saw a familiar building in the distance. She saw a place were she knew that she would be safe. Where she would always be safe. Grace ran to the brick building and hoped to whatever that was out there that the door would open. Luck seemed to be on her side and she was able to get in. Slowly she walked in and closed the door. Her clothes were dripping, but at least she was out of the rain and wind. The fourth floor…That was were the studio was…it was safe there. She climbed the stairwells and opened the door and her breath caught in throat. She saw a familiar figure sitting on the floor, his hand-wrapped in a dirty cloth…
“Jonah…”
JJ didn’t hear the footsteps climbing the stairs. He wasn’t aware of the door opening and the curly haired wet figure standing in the doorway. He continued to look out of the window, feeling sorry for himself. JJ hadn’t seen Emily and Cook in ages, the two people he knew could talk him out of the ruts he frequently found himself in. Freddie was nowhere to be found and talking to Celia was out of the question. He counted the seconds every time the thunder boomed and lightening would strike. JJ looked down at his hand as if he was noticing the bruises from the outcome of Ali’s confession, for the first time. There was something beautiful about it all, the rain, the aching he felt inside even the run down studio. He found himself smiling at it all realizing this was what it meant to be normal. He was as normal as he could get. JJ was no longer the third wheel that would awkwardly follow his mates around, he barely saw them anymore. Now he had his own troubles, his own relationship problems to follow. He stretched out his hand and studied it, the scars told a story, one he had written himself.
“Jonah…” He froze in place. The voice was familiar, too familiar. JJ considered not turning around, maybe it was his mind playing tricks on him. The hairs on the back of his neck stood on edge and suddenly he’d forgotten how to breathe. He stood up still facing the huge antique windows and counted to five before turning around. There she was like something out of a dream, standing on the other side of the room with a small puddle forming around her. Her brown eyes were bright but sad her soaked curly locks fell perfectly on her shoulders. JJ shook his head, he was sure he was seeing things. Grace wouldn’t be here, neither of them would not at the same time at least. It was a dream. He would wake up in the little closet in the ballet studio with the sun shining on his face. JJ waved slow and awkwardly letting out a soft, “Hi,” his voice was low and a little shaken. He took a step closer and realized she was shivering, “You’re cold,” he said pointing out the obvious as he walked over to the closet and took out a blanket he’d placed there long ago. JJ handed it to her still standing a few paces away but Grace didn’t move. He took a deep breath and wrapped the blanket around her then moved away quickly. JJ turned to face the window again and ran his hand through his hair, “Sorry I…I don’t usually come here I just-sorry.” He made eye contact with her again, not wanting to break it, “Are you okay?” He searched her eyes for an answer, stepping closer again but still keeping his distance.
She didn’t know what to say or how to act. She especially when she wasn’t expecting anyone one to be here. She gladly took the blanket that JJ had offered. She blushed when he put it around her. She couldn’t move her body properly, it was probably because of the cold. She clutched on to the blanket. It was soft and warm.
“T-thank you…for the blanket. J-jonah…” He gave her a small smiled, It as awkward as this situation. Grace had never dreamed of seeing JJ again, despite Bristol being so small. She watched as he put his hand through his hair.
“Sorry I…I don’t usually come here I just-sorry.”
” Don’t be sorry…you built this place…you d-deserve to be here. I’m sorry if I disturbed you…it’s just that its a veritable typhoon out there and…as soon as I saw it…I knew I’d-d be safe…”
Grace stared at her soggy shoes and wiped her wet hair out of her face..” I swear…I’ll leave…just as soon as the rain stops.”
“Are you okay?”
Was she really that transparent? Grace closed her eyes and took a breath. ” Yes…I mean..no I mean…oh I don’t know what I mean…Everything is just breaking apart and I don’t know what to do about it…any of it…”
Realizing that JJ probably didn’t want to hear any of this she apologized. Even if the break up was somewhat mutual…JJ was her ex and that meant that he didn’t have hear her complain about her problems. It was just hard…it wasn’t like they hated each other…at least she hoped that he didn’t hate her. Their break didn’t happen because they stopped having feelings for each other…it a lot more complicated than that.
” Yes…I mean..no I mean…oh I don’t know what I mean…Everything is just breaking apart and I don’t know what to do about it…any of it…” JJ took another step closer and shrugged his shoulders, “You don’t have to apologize to me. For anything, If you want to talk we can talk.” He smiled at Grace to reassure her that what he was saying was the truth. JJ forced his hands in his pockets and looked around, “It’s like we never left. It’s in the same old condition…I never did get around to finishing cleaning it up.” The old stereo system in the corner caught his eye and he smiled to himself, “Do you remember when I first brought you here? I was a nervous wreck that whole morning…” He walked around looking at the mirrors, the floors, taking it all in like he was going back in time. “We were standing in the middle of the floor, you made me dance with you even though I didn’t know how to properly. You were always the brilliant one, at dancing…helping people. Everything.” The smile on JJ’s face grew as he pretended to dance with an imaginary figure and doing a bad job at it on purpose to hopefully bring a smile to Grace’s face. He twirled the figure and pretended to dip her. “We were dancing close, slowly. The song that was playing When I Fall in Love by Nat King Cole. I remember every single detail.” He touched the stereo system doubting if it still worked, “I showed up at your door unannounced but you still came with me. That was one of my better days…I knew what I wanted back then.” His mind thought of Ali again, he was still hurt from it all. Feeling like he wasn’t good enough for anyone which is why he couldn’t keep a steady relationship with anyone he came in contact with, including his mates. JJ looked up startled at Grace, “Sorry. I was asking about you wasn’t I? Got a bit carried away.” He patted the floor and motioned her over, “We can talk about it or…we can sit in silence until the rain stops.”
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Lullaby For A Stormy Night | @Grace
JJ found himself wandering the streets. It was his first day off in awhile and the flat seemed a little too suffocating. He hadn’t completely finished picking up his room but he needed a break from that, from everything. His mind would always wander back to Ali, wondering what she was doing and if she missed him as much as he was missing her.He knew he’d said he wanted space but he thought of calling her anyway, surprising her with something. But that wasn’t exactly what taking a break consisted of was it? JJ continued his walk, up and down the streets of Bristol. A heavy feeling formed in his chest, as if someone was pushing down on him. His initial thought was that it was a heart attack, that he was going to die without being able to say goodbye to anyone. What would Celia do without him? She would be crushed, she would surely become numb and never speak or cook again. Edward would die of starvation all because JJ decided to walk around Bristol and die on the streets. He brought his thoughts back to reality and looked around. JJ realized he was standing in front of a huge brick building…the building where Grace’s ballet studio was located. “On the fourth floor,” he said to himself. Before he realized it, he opened the heavy steel door and walked up a flight up steps. He knew it would be better he turn around now before he even saw the place, this was a step in the wrong direction. JJ continued to climb the stairs and got to the door that separated him from his memories. He walked up to the small glass mirror on the door and closed his eyes, it wasn’t too late to turn around. He hadn’t seen the place yet. JJ’s hand reached for the door knob and the door swung open easily.
He took one step inside and opened his eyes, admiring the way the sun shined through the big windows into the room. He glanced in the corner and noticed the broken glass still on the floor from his last visit to the studio, just after Grace’s accident. JJ grabbed a broom from the small closet and began sweeping up the mess. He threw the glass in a small waste bin and picked up the last little shard that escaped. It pricked him on the finger, causing a deep cut and blood started to drip down his finger. He grabbed a cloth out of the closet and pressed it to his finger, immediately regretting it after realizing how unsanitary the rag must have been. JJ slid down the wall in the closet and sat on the floor. He pulled out his phone and dialed Ali’s number. To his disappointment there was no answer. He sighed and closed his eyes. This place was doing something to him, bringing back painful memories he worked so hard to push to the back of his mind. JJ could never completely forget about Grace, even though he’d been deleted from her memory. The sunlight lighting up the studio started to fade. He looked out of the huge antique windows from his position on the floor and watched the raindrops beat against it. Thunder sounded in the distance and JJ decided he was trapped there until the storm passed. He closed his eyes remembering when he first found the studio. Keith had told him about it and he was more than excited to turn it into a place Grace would go to to just get away. She deserved it. Little did he know it would be a place she would never use, a place she would forget. JJ buried his face in his hands. Why was he doing this to himself? He pulled at his hair and kept his head down, “Once the rain stops..you leave..” he promised himself. What if he didn’t want to leave? Maybe this was a piece of the past he was still holding onto.
She couldn’t sleep, no matter what she did sleep evaded her at every turn. Something wasn’t right. Normally she could sleep right through a storm but not tonight. She got out of her bed and looked out of the window. There was no rain coming down, maybe it was one of those rare thunder storms. Dancing practice had brought old fears and old memories to the surface. Sitting the audience…watching the other perform…she wondered if she could ever do it again. They all were so beautiful in their movements, like they were walking on air. They were graceful and elegant like swans. Lyle brought her up the stage where the others were. He went slowly with her and showed her the steps. She was clumsy, like a baby giraffe. The longer the practice went on the more insecure she became with herself. She saw the others stare and giggle at her. Lyle told her not to pay attention to them but it was already too late. The seeds of doubt were already planted. By the time that her grandparents came to pick her up she was almost ready to burst into tears. She refused to talk to them when they got to the house and refused to talk to them at dinner. She couldn’t stop thinking about how she was a failure. How her life’s dream was slowly slipping away from her. Grace looked at her phone once more, still nothing from Rich or from Franky. Where were her friends? She needed them…very much.
She knew that she would go crazy if she stayed in the house. She needed to get out…she needed to think. Grace changed into some jean shorts and an over-sized t-shirt. She snuck down the staircase and walked pass the kitchen. Burke was laying on the floor sleeping and snoring loudly. Before she got to the door she stopped herself…she couldn’t just leave…what if her grandparents woke and found her gone. Grace found a piece of paper and scribbled that she had gone out and not to be worried. She grabbed an umbrella and went out the door. She walked along the path outside of the neighborhood and towards the road. She didn’t have a destination set, all she wanted to do was clear her mind. The studio…it reminded her of another place…a special place. It reminded her of Jonah. As her memory came back so did thoughts of him. A sweet memories as well as that terrible day back when she had woken up. It hurt so much to say goodbye…not remember…now it hurt to remember. They were happy…truly happy…but it seemed that life had different plans for them. It was then Grace felt a drop of rain on her shoulder and then another and another. Oh no…She put up her umbrella but it didn’t seem to do much good, the wind was picking up and after awhile it blew out the umbrella. Grace threw on the ground and started to run looking for a place to take shelter in. The rain was really coming and she was getting soaked. She put her hand over her eyes and saw a familiar building in the distance. She saw a place were she knew that she would be safe. Where she would always be safe. Grace ran to the brick building and hoped to whatever that was out there that the door would open. Luck seemed to be on her side and she was able to get in. Slowly she walked in and closed the door. Her clothes were dripping, but at least she was out of the rain and wind. The fourth floor…That was were the studio was…it was safe there. She climbed the stairwells and opened the door and her breath caught in throat. She saw a familiar figure sitting on the floor, his hand-wrapped in a dirty cloth…
“Jonah…”
JJ didn’t hear the footsteps climbing the stairs. He wasn’t aware of the door opening and the curly haired wet figure standing in the doorway. He continued to look out of the window, feeling sorry for himself. JJ hadn’t seen Emily and Cook in ages, the two people he knew could talk him out of the ruts he frequently found himself in. Freddie was nowhere to be found and talking to Celia was out of the question. He counted the seconds every time the thunder boomed and lightening would strike. JJ looked down at his hand as if he was noticing the bruises from the outcome of Ali’s confession, for the first time. There was something beautiful about it all, the rain, the aching he felt inside even the run down studio. He found himself smiling at it all realizing this was what it meant to be normal. He was as normal as he could get. JJ was no longer the third wheel that would awkwardly follow his mates around, he barely saw them anymore. Now he had his own troubles, his own relationship problems to follow. He stretched out his hand and studied it, the scars told a story, one he had written himself.
“Jonah…” He froze in place. The voice was familiar, too familiar. JJ considered not turning around, maybe it was his mind playing tricks on him. The hairs on the back of his neck stood on edge and suddenly he’d forgotten how to breathe. He stood up still facing the huge antique windows and counted to five before turning around. There she was like something out of a dream, standing on the other side of the room with a small puddle forming around her. Her brown eyes were bright but sad her soaked curly locks fell perfectly on her shoulders. JJ shook his head, he was sure he was seeing things. Grace wouldn’t be here, neither of them would not at the same time at least. It was a dream. He would wake up in the little closet in the ballet studio with the sun shining on his face. JJ waved slow and awkwardly letting out a soft, “Hi,” his voice was low and a little shaken. He took a step closer and realized she was shivering, “You’re cold,” he said pointing out the obvious as he walked over to the closet and took out a blanket he’d placed there long ago. JJ handed it to her still standing a few paces away but Grace didn’t move. He took a deep breath and wrapped the blanket around her then moved away quickly. JJ turned to face the window again and ran his hand through his hair, “Sorry I…I don’t usually come here I just-sorry.” He made eye contact with her again, not wanting to break it, “Are you okay?” He searched her eyes for an answer, stepping closer again but still keeping his distance.
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Lullaby For A Stormy Night | @Grace
JJ found himself wandering the streets. It was his first day off in awhile and the flat seemed a little too suffocating. He hadn’t completely finished picking up his room but he needed a break from that, from everything. His mind would always wander back to Ali, wondering what she was doing and if she missed him as much as he was missing her.He knew he’d said he wanted space but he thought of calling her anyway, surprising her with something. But that wasn’t exactly what taking a break consisted of was it? JJ continued his walk, up and down the streets of Bristol. A heavy feeling formed in his chest, as if someone was pushing down on him. His initial thought was that it was a heart attack, that he was going to die without being able to say goodbye to anyone. What would Celia do without him? She would be crushed, she would surely become numb and never speak or cook again. Edward would die of starvation all because JJ decided to walk around Bristol and die on the streets. He brought his thoughts back to reality and looked around. JJ realized he was standing in front of a huge brick building…the building where Grace’s ballet studio was located. “On the fourth floor,” he said to himself. Before he realized it, he opened the heavy steel door and walked up a flight up steps. He knew it would be better he turn around now before he even saw the place, this was a step in the wrong direction. JJ continued to climb the stairs and got to the door that separated him from his memories. He walked up to the small glass mirror on the door and closed his eyes, it wasn’t too late to turn around. He hadn’t seen the place yet. JJ’s hand reached for the door knob and the door swung open easily.
He took one step inside and opened his eyes, admiring the way the sun shined through the big windows into the room. He glanced in the corner and noticed the broken glass still on the floor from his last visit to the studio, just after Grace’s accident. JJ grabbed a broom from the small closet and began sweeping up the mess. He threw the glass in a small waste bin and picked up the last little shard that escaped. It pricked him on the finger, causing a deep cut and blood started to drip down his finger. He grabbed a cloth out of the closet and pressed it to his finger, immediately regretting it after realizing how unsanitary the rag must have been. JJ slid down the wall in the closet and sat on the floor. He pulled out his phone and dialed Ali’s number. To his disappointment there was no answer. He sighed and closed his eyes. This place was doing something to him, bringing back painful memories he worked so hard to push to the back of his mind. JJ could never completely forget about Grace, even though he’d been deleted from her memory. The sunlight lighting up the studio started to fade. He looked out of the huge antique windows from his position on the floor and watched the raindrops beat against it. Thunder sounded in the distance and JJ decided he was trapped there until the storm passed. He closed his eyes remembering when he first found the studio. Keith had told him about it and he was more than excited to turn it into a place Grace would go to to just get away. She deserved it. Little did he know it would be a place she would never use, a place she would forget. JJ buried his face in his hands. Why was he doing this to himself? He pulled at his hair and kept his head down, “Once the rain stops..you leave..” he promised himself. What if he didn’t want to leave? Maybe this was a piece of the past he was still holding onto.
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Shitty Movies | Date Night @Alissa
JJ hoped out of the shower and wiped off his hair with his towel before walking into the kitchen. He opened the fridge and thought about drinking out of the carton since no one was home but it was against his better judgement so he decided to grab a glass. He drank the juice and walked into his room to get dressed for when Ali came over. JJ slid on a fresh pair of boxers and his jeans, setting his shirt down neatly on the bed. He was running some gel through his wet curly hair when he heard a knock at the door. He walked out of his room and over to the door with a huge smile on his face. JJ opened the door and saw Ali standing there, causing his smile to grow bigger, “How are you..” he went in for a hug when he realized he hadn’t put on his shirt yet but decided not to worry about it. He closed the door behind her and wrapped his arms around her, “You look beautiful today…” He leaned in and kissed her savoring the moment. He was excited to finally get to see Ali again after so long.. “Are you thirsty or anything?” He didn’t want to let go of her but he pulled back and headed towards his room, “…I should probably put a shirt on.”
Alissa was glad when JJ texted her, she was surprised at how much she actually missed him. Even with the events that had happened with Tony, she wasn’t going to let it ruin her time with her boyfriend, it was stupid that she had cheated on him, and so soon in the relationship, and she really hated herself for what she did, but she could only blame herself for that, or maybe Tony, she smiled at that thought. Everything could be Tony’s fault, it would just make everything so much easier. She wrapped her arms around her as she walked over to the pub. Jeans and a fitted t-shirt were good for staying in, but going outside, and the cold just made her regret her fashion choice. She was thankful when she arrived at the pub, not only did it save her from the cool air, but it also made her excited because she was so close to being with the wonderfully charming JJ. She walked up the stairs to the flat and knocked on the door, her stomach knotting as she waited. When he finally opened the door her smile brightened. He pulled her into a hug, and she blushed at the complement, and muttered a thank you as he kissed her. She felt her stomach do silly little flips as she pressed her lips to his, she wanted to stay in that moment, savoring it. But he pulled away, asking if she was thirsty and she shook her head no. She was being shy and quiet, possibly because she was guilt about Tony was scared that if she opened her mouth it would somehow slip out. She took a deep breath as she watched him walk into his room. She walked over and sat on the couch trying to control her thoughts, she rubbed her temples, shooting her head up when he walked over to her. She changed her expression to a happier one, and smiled at him, “So what stupid movie will we not be watching?” She put some emphasis on the word hoping he would catch her joke, but not really caring if he did or not.
JJ chuckled and knelt over Ali as she sat on the couch. He kissed her nose and reached for the dvds on the table beside her and sat down next to her. “Depends are you in the mood for scary but boring or just plain boring.” They decided on the scary one and JJ turned off the lights. Scary movies weren’t really his thing but he could handle it if it meant spending time with Ali. Their bodies were tangled together on the couch but Ali was laying a little tense. JJ scooted over and held her in his arms. The movie started and he could tell it wasn’t worth watching int he first place. The monsters in the movie were obviously wearing masks and JJ found it odd how people could get things like this published. Fake blood was splattering all over the screen at this point and neither of them seemed interested. He kissed Ali again, slowly moving his hands up and down her body exploring her curves. One hand found it’s way in her hair. He rolled around, still holding Ali in his arms switching their position so that he was on top of her. Screams echoed from the T.V. but they weren’t phased by it. JJ smiled in between kisses, he missed Ali more than he could imagine. He moved down inching his way down her neck and towards her collarbone.
Alissa couldn’t keep herself from smiling, even if the movie was awful, she was just glad she was with JJ, she also didn’t really think he was planning on watching much of it anyways, and neither was she. She just really needed someone, or something to distract her, from the stupid thoughts that wouldn’t go away. She couldn’t help feeling guiltier by the minute. Here she was with JJ, after she cheated on him with Tony, and JJ was to good of a person for that, after everything he had done for her, he didn’t deserve this. He deserved better than her, so did Tony. If she cheated on her boyfriend now, then who knows, she might do it again with a new boyfriend. Nothing was stopping her, but the guilt. She was beating herself up for something that already happened, and if it was just going to hurt JJ, why tell him? Not like she was playing on having it happen again. She was happy with JJ, and she wasn’t going to ruin that by telling him the one stupid mistake she made. She relaxed a bit and smiled, mostly happy to be where she was, and with who she was. She smiled when he kissed her the first time, and it felt like the very first time they had kissed, it was sweet and the little shocks were sweet, and she felt them as he kissed slowly down her neck. She giggled at his silly tender touches, it was nice and she didn’t want to move. She ran her hands on his back as they stayed intertwined kissing, she wasn’t even sure what was happening in the movie anymore, but it didn’t really matter anymore, they had something better to do.
JJ caressed her body enjoying how close they were. Ali felt warm against his skin, he pulled back and sighed, “You’re absolutely beautiful….you know that.” He bit the inside of his cheek and looked down shyly. JJ couldn’t believe this beautiful girl was his, sitting in his arms. He wanted to give her everything to make her happy. They rolled over almost falling off the couch but this time Ali was one top. His hands hugged her hips as their lips connected again. Her touch was soft and light but JJ couldn’t help but feel like she was pulling away. He stopped and sat up with her still in his lap, “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do…” JJ moved her hair out of her face and kissed her cheek. He wasn’t the type to rush into sex, of course he wanted it, JJ wanted lots of sex but he was able to control himself most of the time. He cradled her in his arms and chuckled. He could hold her all night if he had to. Being with Ali, even the brief time they knew each other made him feel like his life had some normalcy again. JJ kissed her forehead and laid back down with Ali resting on his chest, “Are you happy? I’m happy,” he whispered the last part just to make sure it was true. For once, JJ wasn’t having anxiety from having to attend a party where he was the focal point, he was more than excited especially now that he’d have Ali there by his side.
“Uh yeah. Totally happy.” She stumbled on her words, not really wanting to admit what she knew she would have to eventually. She managed a smile, not actually looking into his eyes. She traced the design on his shirt, “I’m just glad you’re happy. Really.” She added the last part to reassure her more than him. She wasn’t lying when she told him she was happy, she had no reason to lie about that, he did make her happy, more so than most people. She was just to happy, and she already messed up once, and she couldn’t stand the idea of losing him because she fucked up with Tony. She was tired of losing people in her life, and she didn’t want JJ to be someone she lost, but she had to find a way to talk to him about what had happened with Tony. She took a deep breath and sat up running her fingers through her hair. “Can I ask you something? Like. Without you looking at me like I’m mad? Its silly, but I need someone to help me out.” She played with her fingers, chipping the nail polish off, she didn’t know how to approach this without lying, but without telling him the whole truth. “I have this mate you see, and well.. He fancies this girl, and she has a boyfriend. He has apparently well.. Snogged her a few times.. and she doesn’t want to tell her boyfriend, because she doesn’t want them to break up and..” She rushed the words together, hoping if she got them out faster she wouldn’t feel so guilty about it, but it didn’t work. Her heart was pounding, and she just shook her head. “I want to help.. But I don’t know how to..” She sighed it all sounded so stupid, why couldn’t she just tell him? She made a mistake, but that would mean that she had to admit it out loud, not only to him, but to herself. “Its stupid.. Sorry for asking..”
“Can I ask you something? Like. Without you looking at me like I’m mad? Its silly, but I need someone to help me out.” JJ perched up wondering what Ali needed help with. He nodded still holding on to her, as she spoke she seemed too nervous to make eye contact with him which JJ found odd. “I have this mate you see, and well.. He fancies this girl, and she has a boyfriend. He has apparently well.. Snogged her a few times.. and she doesn’t want to tell her boyfriend, because she doesn’t want them to break up and..” He furrowed his eyebrows and scratched at the back of his head. This story sounded a little close to home and Ali not looking at him caused him to begin to get paranoid. “I want to help.. But I don’t know how to..” JJ straightened up and played with her hand in his, “Your friend should just tell her boyfriend. He’d deserve to know the truth no matter how bad.” JJ licked his lip and bit down before continuing, “My gran always said if you fall in love with two people, then you should always pick the second one. Because if you loved the first one then you wouldn’t have feelings for another…” He hoped he was helping but couldn’t shake this weird feeling. “Um…you don’t have something to tell me right? Sorry I’m just…a bit…edge.” He forced a smile and sighed, “I’ve been put in weird situations before but never one like that one. It would be something new I guess…” he laughed nervously and wrung his hands together. People on the television seemed to be running for their lives, but no matter how much fake blood they put in the film it wasn’t believable. He wanted to sit back and make out with Ali again but the mood seemed to have shifted all of a sudden.
She sighed, looking down at her lap. Her voice was low, “I just.. I don’t know how else to say it.. You’re pretty much the only good thing in my life since my parents died.. and even be for that.. I messed up.. I kissed a mate of mine.. And I don’t want you to go away because I made one stupid mistake…” She continued shaking her head from side to side. “I understand you want me to go.. And if you hate me.. And all that..” She choked out. She sighed waiting for his reaction, or him to say something. She pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, as if she way trying to shield everything away, she didn’t want to have to admit that, to anyone, not even herself. It was only of the hardest things she had to say, because she really didn’t want to hurt JJ. Once she admitted it out loud, it finally became real. A part of her was hoping that it had all been some stupid dream, something made up that she didn’t have to worry about. The first time she met Tony, to the first time they kissed; the feelings, everything. She was fucking everything up like she always did. But he was right, he did deserve to know, she shouldn’t keep something like that from him, it really wasn’t fair. Being cheated on is shit, and she hated herself for doing it in the first place. It was fine up until the person leaves, then it really hits you. Its all over, you have to admit that it happened, and that you were going to hurt the person you cared about, and then you have to figure out why you did it in the first place. She felt awful, it hadn’t really hit her until she saw JJ after she kissed Tony. She brushed part of her hair behind her ear staring at her knees. “I’m sorry..” She whispered, feeling her eyes get all watery like they did before she cried. She sighed trying to think happy thoughts so they wouldn’t over flow, she hated crying in front of people, or rather crying in general.
“I just.. I don’t know how else to say it.. You’re pretty much the only good thing in my life since my parents died.. and even be for that.. I messed up.. I kissed a mate of mine.. And I don’t want you to go away because I made one stupid mistake…” JJ chuckled and looked over at Ali with a smile, “You’re joking right?” He continued to watch her when she started to shrink right in front of him. She pushed herself up into a little ball and hid her face with her knees, “I understand you want me to go.. And if you hate me.. And all that..” The smile dropped from JJ’s face and he took a deep breath and turned to her, “Ali..I..I don’t understand.” She wouldn’t look him in the eye and his chest tightened. He was never put in a situation like this before, JJ was unsure as to how to handle it, “Um, do you love him? The other guy? Ali…do you want to be with him?” JJ stood up from the couch and folded his arms, he looked from Ali to the floor and back at Ali, “Why would you kiss someone else? I-I” He was confused, JJ didn’t understand the concept of cheating once you gave yourself to someone. There was only one of you to go around. “Does this mean I kissed another guy by kissing your lips? I think my tongue was in your mouth…I’m not okay with that.” His mind was fuzzy but so far he hadn’t gotten locked on and started smashing stuff. “I’m sorry..” Her voice was small and JJ almost didn’t hear her a first, he sat down by Ali but this time a little further away and continued to stare straight forward, “Was it only a kiss…or did it mean more to you?” He didn’t look at her, and started to fidget with his hands, old habits die hard, he thought to himself. JJ swallowed hard and clenched his fist together, he refused to get locked on, not in front of Ali, “This hurts Alissa. I don’t know what to say…” His eyes started to burn and his arms flexed the more he held himself in, “Do you feel like you’re forced to be with me? Because I’ve had plenty of pity sex and girls making out with me because they feel sorry for me. I don’t need anyone feeling sorry for me…” For the first time he looked over at her and sighed, his eyes were red, and they stung as he tried to fight the pain, “I want something real.”
“Do you feel like you’re forced to be with me? Because I’ve had plenty of pity sex and girls making out with me because they feel sorry for me. I don’t need anyone feeling sorry for me…” His words stung, but of course they would. They always did. It was the same thing every time. Someone would happen, and she would get the secondary fire. They would volley on for a bit, and then he would give up on her, and leave her; JJ would probably do the same. Kick her out, not talk to her again, the usual. But this time it was different for her, the other other times she had kissed someone else before she moved to Bristol, wasn’t her fault, they did it to her. She didn’t have a choice, she was forced into cheating and ended up losing the people she didn’t want to lose. Now she had fucked up big time, because it was all her choice. She didn’t pull away from Tony, and she even made the move a few times. She felt stupid, and she didn’t have the courage to look him in the eyes because she knew that if she did then she would end up letting the tears spill over. And she wouldn’t let herself cry in front of him, crying was a sign of weakness, and even if she was vulnerable she wouldn’t let that show, she couldn’t. Every time she let it show, she got exactly what she didn’t want. She either got them to be more upset, and yell at her because she had no right to cry when it was all her fault, or they would just not know what to do with themselves and they would just let her sit there while she tried to stop it. “I want something real.” The last part stung the most, apparently this wasn’t real to him, all they had was fake because she fucked up with Tony. Well if she had to she would completely lose contact with Tony, she would erase him from her life, just to be able to stay with JJ. He was more important than most people, even if he didn’t know anything and everything about her, she still cared about him, and the idea of losing someone you trust as much as she did JJ, just scared the living daylights out of her. She took a deep breath, forcing herself to look him in the eyes as she told him the truth. “JJ.. I don’t love anyone.. not yet at least. Yeah, I did fuck up, and pretty much fucked you over, but it was a mistake,” She looked forward, feeling the cold heavy bracelet press against her knee. “When it happened.. I felt awful. I felt guilty.” Her voice became hushed, and she glanced at him. “I only thought of you…” She took another deep breath, calming herself, thankful that the tears kept their place in her eyes. “I’m sorry. I really am. I don’t want to lose you, and.. And Tony and I, we’re not going to happen.. Its not going to happen again.. That’s if you still want to do this.. If not.. I’ll go.. I just want you to know, that I really only want to be with you.. Which is why I’m not with him. Which is why I’m here now telling you what happened. You were right, you deserved to know.. I really wish it didn’t happen.. I mean.. I know we really haven’t been together that long.. But I just.. I can’t picture myself without being able to say ‘Oh yeah. That’s JJ. My boyfriend..’ And I really don’t want to. I just.. I’m sorry. I don’t think I can say that enough..” She sighed standing up and trying to keep herself steady and ready for when he told her it was over, and made her leave. He looked down at her trembling hands as she spoke, not wanting to see his face when he told her it was over, and that he couldn’t forgive her. “Just tell me what you want me to do.. And I’ll do it…”
“JJ.. I don’t love anyone.. not yet at least. Yeah, I did fuck up, and pretty much fucked you over, but it was a mistake,” JJ looked over his shoulder at Alissa once he broke eye contact with her he put his head down, running his fingers through his curly mane. “When it happened.. I felt awful. I felt guilty.” He didn’t say a word, instead he just listened as the anger began to boil in his body. “I only thought of you…“I’m sorry. I really am. I don’t want to lose you, and.. And Tony and I, we’re not going to happen.. Its not going to happen again.. That’s if you still want to do this.. If not.. I’ll go.. I just want you to know, that I really only want to be with you.. Which is why I’m not with him.” That name, his name. JJ stood up to his feet and clenched his fist harder, “Tony? Tony…Tony St-Stonem…” Cook had told JJ plenty of times how much Tony messed around with girls. It didn’t help that JJ didn’t have a good history with the Stonems considering how Effy fucked his best mates over. He glared at Alissa and bit down on his lip,” It…it could have been anyone but him…” He turned away from her and leaned against the wall. I mean.. I know we really haven’t been together that long.. But I just.. I can’t picture myself without being able to say ‘Oh yeah. That’s JJ. My boyfriend..’ And I really don’t want to. I just.. I’m sorry. I don’t think I can say that enough..” JJ looked at Ali, the girl he was willing to give his all to. It hadn’t been that long but she was already bored with him, finding adventure on someone else’s lips. He didn’t know what to say or do but he knew what he was feeling inside and it sucked. Emily or Cook weren’t around to help him through this but right now, he didn’t want anyone around. “Just tell me what you want me to do.. And I’ll do it…” He had to explode, let go of this built up stress and anger. Sadness was seeping from his eyes and a lump began to form in his throat. “I think you should just go…” he said low and slowly. His hands were becoming red from holding back his anger, he needed to throw something. “I think you should go…now.” JJ simply just walked away, Ali hadn’t made a move towards the door yet but he couldn’t hold on much longer. He walked into his room and slammed the door, causing things to go crashing off of his wall and desk. He flipped his side table over and punched at the wall, leaving a few good dents. JJ marched around huffing, knocking things over until he finally just sunk to the floor with his arms over his head.
Alissa didn’t move. She couldn’t make her legs work. She was cemented in place as he yelled at her to leave, but she couldn’t. She didn’t want to leave things like that, even if it was what he wanted, she couldn’t do it. She did say she would do whatever he wanted her to do, but no this, this was to hard. To painful. She couldn’t just leave things like that. She winced, at every little bang and crash she heard coming from behind his door. She held her breath as she waited for him to emerge, but he didn’t. What was so wrong with Tony? Why was it such a big deal that it was him? He was just a guy, no one really important to Bristol, not that she knew of. What could he possibly have done that would make everyone be angry with him? And with that, her phone buzzed with texts from him, but she couldn’t bring herself to actually read it, not just yet. She had to find out where she stood with JJ, if that was even possible. He would probably just slam the door in her face and tell her leave, or call her things that would just make her feel worse then she already did. Which was a long shot. If she didn’t care about JJ why would she make such the big effort to tell him, and figure out what she was going to do? It would be pointless if they would just end up separating in the end, which most couples did. She hated being the debby downer, but it was true. Nothing seemed to last forever in her life. Something always happened and she was always the one to blame. Her dad in the car accident? She didn’t see the truck coming. Her mum’s suicide? She wasn’t a good enough daughter, worthless. Never what her mum wanted from her. Her mum even blamed her for her dads death. Jake? Oh he hated her because she made him move away from all they ever knew because its what she thought would be best for them, in reality maybe it would have been better if they stayed, she wouldn’t be in this stupid fight with JJ, and she wouldn’t have kissed Tony. Hell. If she never met Tony she would be happy here with JJ, cuddling on his couch and watching movies all day, but no. Happiness in Alissa’s life was never the case. She always ruined something. Everything went wrong, never good enough Alissa. The girl who should be alone forever, because if she is with someone, she would just break their fragile little hearts, just like she always did. She found herself slowly walking over to the door, careful not to make to much noise, she tried to listen, but didn’t hear anything through the door. But she knew he was in there, thankfully the rampage had ended, and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to see the damage done, because that would just be another thing that was her fault. She sighed, debating on if she actually wanted to take this chance, the chance of him yelling at her, and telling her to fuck off for the last time, and how he never wanted to see her again. She lifted her hand and gently tapped on the door, regretting her choice almost instantly. She knew it would happen, the yelling, the fuck yous, the I hate yous. But she had made a mistake, and she had to own up to it sooner or later, she had to take full responsibility for what she did, it was the grown up thing to do, and if JJ said he didn’t want her anymore, so be it. Maybe she really was meant to be alone, after all.
JJ heard a light tapping at his door. He assumed it was Emily or someone, thinking Ali stormed out long ago. He thought about ignoring it but stood to his feet, really seeing the damage he had done to his room…again. His knuckles were bleeding but he was proud of himself for being able to refrain for as long as he did. JJ opened the door to see Ali standing there, he wiped his face not wanting to show he had cried. “I…I uh thought you left.” He swallowed hard, wincing at the stinging in his hand. Blood dripped down his arm but he tried to ignore it and hide it from her. JJ didn’t open his door fully, not wanting Ali to see what he was capable of, he worked so hard at being ‘normal’ and wasn’t going to let his aspergers get in the way. “Ali..” he said her name breathlessly and looked her in the eye, “…what do I say? What do I do?” He stepped out of his room and walked towards the bathroom to wash his hand. He could feel her watching him, every step he took. JJ sighed again and turned on the water, cringing at the pain. “I can’t keep beating myself up every time someone hurts me. I don’t want to be hurt.” He didn’t face her, he kept straight forward at the sink, rinsing his hand. “I want to be with you…nothing has changed that. There’s still so much we don’t know about each other but…” He grabbed a rag and wrapped it around his hand, facing her, “I need time to think. We both do…I guess..I don’t want to break up with you. I’m not a physical person but this,” he held his hand up, “…is what happens when I can’t control myself.” He walked up to her but he couldn’t bring himself to touch her, to hold her and kiss her like he wanted to. She had kissed someone else, and that very thought was burning through his brain. “Space. That’s all. Only for a little while. I need to get my head together.”
She was surprised when she saw his bloody knuckles, but she kept her gasp in, now defiantly was not the time to act all girlfriend like. She also kept herself from breathing out in relief when he said he still wanted to be with her, that was good, at least he still wanted her around, but based on his face, that wasn’t all he had to say. Of course it wasn’t not like she could forgive someone so quickly. It was still to think that it was possible to let something like that go. He said he wanted space, and it made sense. He had to figure out what hew as going to do, and she had to do the same. She had to figure out where he head was, and why she even bothered to cheat in the first place, JJ didn’t deserve that, no one did. She hated herself more then she thought possible for hurting the nicest guy she met in Bristol so far. He was thoughtful, kind, caring, he was all around perfect. Hard to believe he didn’t have a girlfriend to begin with, one thing didn’t make much sense to her, but it wasn’t really the time to ask, they would probably never have a good time to ask. Why would someone pity fuck him? Or pity him at all for that matter? To her it seemed like he just had a little anger problem, when he gets upset, he just has to let it out in some way. She had the same problem, when she got depressed she had to do something about it, last time it happened she drank a bottle of vodka, not a very nice habit. She managed a sad smile, wishing all of it would just go away and they could just be happy again, still sitting on the couch watching movies, kissing and laughing and just talking. That had changed. Alissa fucked up big time, and she wasn’t going to let herself do it again. Even if they stayed together, he probably wouldn’t be able to trust her, it would be hell. He would be worried something would happen and she would cheat on him again, but she didn’t want it to. She wanted JJ, and she wasn’t going to let Tony ruin that for them. “Take as much time as you need, yeah? I can wait…”
JJ forced a smile and looked down, it was all he could do to keep himself from kissing her like he wanted to. Even if he wanted to it wouldn’t have been right. Things were different between them now and if he wanted space, he had to start immediately which mean’t no mixed signals including kissing. He chewed on the inside of his cheek and walked out of the bathroom and into the living room. He had to start straightening up his room before any of his flat mates got home, he didn’t want to have to explain the events of today. JJ walked with Ali to the front door and opened it for her, “We can work through this. I’m willing to,” he said as she walked out. His body showed all the signs daring to cry again. He wondered how long he would feel like this, if it would even go away. JJ looked down at the floor when Ali stood on the other side of the doorway looking back at him. He wished they could have gone about the night still holding each other, their bodies intertwined but he said he would have wanted to know the truth. Now he regretted it but knew it was for the better. “I’ll call.” JJ closed the door and slumped up against the wall. He leaned his head on the back of it and sighed deeply. He closed his eyes and moved his fingers where his knuckles were still burning. He was glad Ali knocked on the door so that they left off on decent terms, now that was all left to do was figure out exactly what he wanted to do. The thought of Tony with his arms around Alissa made his skin crawl, he shook his head and cursed under his breath, remaining on the floor until he was ready to fix up his room.
(Source: bonkersjj)
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Shitty Movies | Date Night @Alissa
JJ hoped out of the shower and wiped off his hair with his towel before walking into the kitchen. He opened the fridge and thought about drinking out of the carton since no one was home but it was against his better judgement so he decided to grab a glass. He drank the juice and walked into his room to get dressed for when Ali came over. JJ slid on a fresh pair of boxers and his jeans, setting his shirt down neatly on the bed. He was running some gel through his wet curly hair when he heard a knock at the door. He walked out of his room and over to the door with a huge smile on his face. JJ opened the door and saw Ali standing there, causing his smile to grow bigger, “How are you..” he went in for a hug when he realized he hadn’t put on his shirt yet but decided not to worry about it. He closed the door behind her and wrapped his arms around her, “You look beautiful today…” He leaned in and kissed her savoring the moment. He was excited to finally get to see Ali again after so long.. “Are you thirsty or anything?” He didn’t want to let go of her but he pulled back and headed towards his room, “…I should probably put a shirt on.”
Alissa was glad when JJ texted her, she was surprised at how much she actually missed him. Even with the events that had happened with Tony, she wasn’t going to let it ruin her time with her boyfriend, it was stupid that she had cheated on him, and so soon in the relationship, and she really hated herself for what she did, but she could only blame herself for that, or maybe Tony, she smiled at that thought. Everything could be Tony’s fault, it would just make everything so much easier. She wrapped her arms around her as she walked over to the pub. Jeans and a fitted t-shirt were good for staying in, but going outside, and the cold just made her regret her fashion choice. She was thankful when she arrived at the pub, not only did it save her from the cool air, but it also made her excited because she was so close to being with the wonderfully charming JJ. She walked up the stairs to the flat and knocked on the door, her stomach knotting as she waited. When he finally opened the door her smile brightened. He pulled her into a hug, and she blushed at the complement, and muttered a thank you as he kissed her. She felt her stomach do silly little flips as she pressed her lips to his, she wanted to stay in that moment, savoring it. But he pulled away, asking if she was thirsty and she shook her head no. She was being shy and quiet, possibly because she was guilt about Tony was scared that if she opened her mouth it would somehow slip out. She took a deep breath as she watched him walk into his room. She walked over and sat on the couch trying to control her thoughts, she rubbed her temples, shooting her head up when he walked over to her. She changed her expression to a happier one, and smiled at him, “So what stupid movie will we not be watching?” She put some emphasis on the word hoping he would catch her joke, but not really caring if he did or not.
JJ chuckled and knelt over Ali as she sat on the couch. He kissed her nose and reached for the dvds on the table beside her and sat down next to her. “Depends are you in the mood for scary but boring or just plain boring.” They decided on the scary one and JJ turned off the lights. Scary movies weren’t really his thing but he could handle it if it meant spending time with Ali. Their bodies were tangled together on the couch but Ali was laying a little tense. JJ scooted over and held her in his arms. The movie started and he could tell it wasn’t worth watching int he first place. The monsters in the movie were obviously wearing masks and JJ found it odd how people could get things like this published. Fake blood was splattering all over the screen at this point and neither of them seemed interested. He kissed Ali again, slowly moving his hands up and down her body exploring her curves. One hand found it’s way in her hair. He rolled around, still holding Ali in his arms switching their position so that he was on top of her. Screams echoed from the T.V. but they weren’t phased by it. JJ smiled in between kisses, he missed Ali more than he could imagine. He moved down inching his way down her neck and towards her collarbone.
Alissa couldn’t keep herself from smiling, even if the movie was awful, she was just glad she was with JJ, she also didn’t really think he was planning on watching much of it anyways, and neither was she. She just really needed someone, or something to distract her, from the stupid thoughts that wouldn’t go away. She couldn’t help feeling guiltier by the minute. Here she was with JJ, after she cheated on him with Tony, and JJ was to good of a person for that, after everything he had done for her, he didn’t deserve this. He deserved better than her, so did Tony. If she cheated on her boyfriend now, then who knows, she might do it again with a new boyfriend. Nothing was stopping her, but the guilt. She was beating herself up for something that already happened, and if it was just going to hurt JJ, why tell him? Not like she was playing on having it happen again. She was happy with JJ, and she wasn’t going to ruin that by telling him the one stupid mistake she made. She relaxed a bit and smiled, mostly happy to be where she was, and with who she was. She smiled when he kissed her the first time, and it felt like the very first time they had kissed, it was sweet and the little shocks were sweet, and she felt them as he kissed slowly down her neck. She giggled at his silly tender touches, it was nice and she didn’t want to move. She ran her hands on his back as they stayed intertwined kissing, she wasn’t even sure what was happening in the movie anymore, but it didn’t really matter anymore, they had something better to do.
JJ caressed her body enjoying how close they were. Ali felt warm against his skin, he pulled back and sighed, “You’re absolutely beautiful….you know that.” He bit the inside of his cheek and looked down shyly. JJ couldn’t believe this beautiful girl was his, sitting in his arms. He wanted to give her everything to make her happy. They rolled over almost falling off the couch but this time Ali was one top. His hands hugged her hips as their lips connected again. Her touch was soft and light but JJ couldn’t help but feel like she was pulling away. He stopped and sat up with her still in his lap, “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do…” JJ moved her hair out of her face and kissed her cheek. He wasn’t the type to rush into sex, of course he wanted it, JJ wanted lots of sex but he was able to control himself most of the time. He cradled her in his arms and chuckled. He could hold her all night if he had to. Being with Ali, even the brief time they knew each other made him feel like his life had some normalcy again. JJ kissed her forehead and laid back down with Ali resting on his chest, “Are you happy? I’m happy,” he whispered the last part just to make sure it was true. For once, JJ wasn’t having anxiety from having to attend a party where he was the focal point, he was more than excited especially now that he’d have Ali there by his side.
“Uh yeah. Totally happy.” She stumbled on her words, not really wanting to admit what she knew she would have to eventually. She managed a smile, not actually looking into his eyes. She traced the design on his shirt, “I’m just glad you’re happy. Really.” She added the last part to reassure her more than him. She wasn’t lying when she told him she was happy, she had no reason to lie about that, he did make her happy, more so than most people. She was just to happy, and she already messed up once, and she couldn’t stand the idea of losing him because she fucked up with Tony. She was tired of losing people in her life, and she didn’t want JJ to be someone she lost, but she had to find a way to talk to him about what had happened with Tony. She took a deep breath and sat up running her fingers through her hair. “Can I ask you something? Like. Without you looking at me like I’m mad? Its silly, but I need someone to help me out.” She played with her fingers, chipping the nail polish off, she didn’t know how to approach this without lying, but without telling him the whole truth. “I have this mate you see, and well.. He fancies this girl, and she has a boyfriend. He has apparently well.. Snogged her a few times.. and she doesn’t want to tell her boyfriend, because she doesn’t want them to break up and..” She rushed the words together, hoping if she got them out faster she wouldn’t feel so guilty about it, but it didn’t work. Her heart was pounding, and she just shook her head. “I want to help.. But I don’t know how to..” She sighed it all sounded so stupid, why couldn’t she just tell him? She made a mistake, but that would mean that she had to admit it out loud, not only to him, but to herself. “Its stupid.. Sorry for asking..”
“Can I ask you something? Like. Without you looking at me like I’m mad? Its silly, but I need someone to help me out.” JJ perched up wondering what Ali needed help with. He nodded still holding on to her, as she spoke she seemed too nervous to make eye contact with him which JJ found odd. “I have this mate you see, and well.. He fancies this girl, and she has a boyfriend. He has apparently well.. Snogged her a few times.. and she doesn’t want to tell her boyfriend, because she doesn’t want them to break up and..” He furrowed his eyebrows and scratched at the back of his head. This story sounded a little close to home and Ali not looking at him caused him to begin to get paranoid. “I want to help.. But I don’t know how to..” JJ straightened up and played with her hand in his, “Your friend should just tell her boyfriend. He’d deserve to know the truth no matter how bad.” JJ licked his lip and bit down before continuing, “My gran always said if you fall in love with two people, then you should always pick the second one. Because if you loved the first one then you wouldn’t have feelings for another…” He hoped he was helping but couldn’t shake this weird feeling. “Um…you don’t have something to tell me right? Sorry I’m just…a bit…edge.” He forced a smile and sighed, “I’ve been put in weird situations before but never one like that one. It would be something new I guess…” he laughed nervously and wrung his hands together. People on the television seemed to be running for their lives, but no matter how much fake blood they put in the film it wasn’t believable. He wanted to sit back and make out with Ali again but the mood seemed to have shifted all of a sudden.
She sighed, looking down at her lap. Her voice was low, “I just.. I don’t know how else to say it.. You’re pretty much the only good thing in my life since my parents died.. and even be for that.. I messed up.. I kissed a mate of mine.. And I don’t want you to go away because I made one stupid mistake…” She continued shaking her head from side to side. “I understand you want me to go.. And if you hate me.. And all that..” She choked out. She sighed waiting for his reaction, or him to say something. She pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, as if she way trying to shield everything away, she didn’t want to have to admit that, to anyone, not even herself. It was only of the hardest things she had to say, because she really didn’t want to hurt JJ. Once she admitted it out loud, it finally became real. A part of her was hoping that it had all been some stupid dream, something made up that she didn’t have to worry about. The first time she met Tony, to the first time they kissed; the feelings, everything. She was fucking everything up like she always did. But he was right, he did deserve to know, she shouldn’t keep something like that from him, it really wasn’t fair. Being cheated on is shit, and she hated herself for doing it in the first place. It was fine up until the person leaves, then it really hits you. Its all over, you have to admit that it happened, and that you were going to hurt the person you cared about, and then you have to figure out why you did it in the first place. She felt awful, it hadn’t really hit her until she saw JJ after she kissed Tony. She brushed part of her hair behind her ear staring at her knees. “I’m sorry..” She whispered, feeling her eyes get all watery like they did before she cried. She sighed trying to think happy thoughts so they wouldn’t over flow, she hated crying in front of people, or rather crying in general.
“I just.. I don’t know how else to say it.. You’re pretty much the only good thing in my life since my parents died.. and even be for that.. I messed up.. I kissed a mate of mine.. And I don’t want you to go away because I made one stupid mistake…” JJ chuckled and looked over at Ali with a smile, “You’re joking right?” He continued to watch her when she started to shrink right in front of him. She pushed herself up into a little ball and hid her face with her knees, “I understand you want me to go.. And if you hate me.. And all that..” The smile dropped from JJ’s face and he took a deep breath and turned to her, “Ali..I..I don’t understand.” She wouldn’t look him in the eye and his chest tightened. He was never put in a situation like this before, JJ was unsure as to how to handle it, “Um, do you love him? The other guy? Ali…do you want to be with him?” JJ stood up from the couch and folded his arms, he looked from Ali to the floor and back at Ali, “Why would you kiss someone else? I-I” He was confused, JJ didn’t understand the concept of cheating once you gave yourself to someone. There was only one of you to go around. “Does this mean I kissed another guy by kissing your lips? I think my tongue was in your mouth…I’m not okay with that.” His mind was fuzzy but so far he hadn’t gotten locked on and started smashing stuff. “I’m sorry..” Her voice was small and JJ almost didn’t hear her a first, he sat down by Ali but this time a little further away and continued to stare straight forward, “Was it only a kiss…or did it mean more to you?” He didn’t look at her, and started to fidget with his hands, old habits die hard, he thought to himself. JJ swallowed hard and clenched his fist together, he refused to get locked on, not in front of Ali, “This hurts Alissa. I don’t know what to say…” His eyes started to burn and his arms flexed the more he held himself in, “Do you feel like you’re forced to be with me? Because I’ve had plenty of pity sex and girls making out with me because they feel sorry for me. I don’t need anyone feeling sorry for me…” For the first time he looked over at her and sighed, his eyes were red, and they stung as he tried to fight the pain, “I want something real.”
“Do you feel like you’re forced to be with me? Because I’ve had plenty of pity sex and girls making out with me because they feel sorry for me. I don’t need anyone feeling sorry for me…” His words stung, but of course they would. They always did. It was the same thing every time. Someone would happen, and she would get the secondary fire. They would volley on for a bit, and then he would give up on her, and leave her; JJ would probably do the same. Kick her out, not talk to her again, the usual. But this time it was different for her, the other other times she had kissed someone else before she moved to Bristol, wasn’t her fault, they did it to her. She didn’t have a choice, she was forced into cheating and ended up losing the people she didn’t want to lose. Now she had fucked up big time, because it was all her choice. She didn’t pull away from Tony, and she even made the move a few times. She felt stupid, and she didn’t have the courage to look him in the eyes because she knew that if she did then she would end up letting the tears spill over. And she wouldn’t let herself cry in front of him, crying was a sign of weakness, and even if she was vulnerable she wouldn’t let that show, she couldn’t. Every time she let it show, she got exactly what she didn’t want. She either got them to be more upset, and yell at her because she had no right to cry when it was all her fault, or they would just not know what to do with themselves and they would just let her sit there while she tried to stop it. “I want something real.” The last part stung the most, apparently this wasn’t real to him, all they had was fake because she fucked up with Tony. Well if she had to she would completely lose contact with Tony, she would erase him from her life, just to be able to stay with JJ. He was more important than most people, even if he didn’t know anything and everything about her, she still cared about him, and the idea of losing someone you trust as much as she did JJ, just scared the living daylights out of her. She took a deep breath, forcing herself to look him in the eyes as she told him the truth. “JJ.. I don’t love anyone.. not yet at least. Yeah, I did fuck up, and pretty much fucked you over, but it was a mistake,” She looked forward, feeling the cold heavy bracelet press against her knee. “When it happened.. I felt awful. I felt guilty.” Her voice became hushed, and she glanced at him. “I only thought of you…” She took another deep breath, calming herself, thankful that the tears kept their place in her eyes. “I’m sorry. I really am. I don’t want to lose you, and.. And Tony and I, we’re not going to happen.. Its not going to happen again.. That’s if you still want to do this.. If not.. I’ll go.. I just want you to know, that I really only want to be with you.. Which is why I’m not with him. Which is why I’m here now telling you what happened. You were right, you deserved to know.. I really wish it didn’t happen.. I mean.. I know we really haven’t been together that long.. But I just.. I can’t picture myself without being able to say ‘Oh yeah. That’s JJ. My boyfriend..’ And I really don’t want to. I just.. I’m sorry. I don’t think I can say that enough..” She sighed standing up and trying to keep herself steady and ready for when he told her it was over, and made her leave. He looked down at her trembling hands as she spoke, not wanting to see his face when he told her it was over, and that he couldn’t forgive her. “Just tell me what you want me to do.. And I’ll do it…”
“JJ.. I don’t love anyone.. not yet at least. Yeah, I did fuck up, and pretty much fucked you over, but it was a mistake,” JJ looked over his shoulder at Alissa once he broke eye contact with her he put his head down, running his fingers through his curly mane. “When it happened.. I felt awful. I felt guilty.” He didn’t say a word, instead he just listened as the anger began to boil in his body. “I only thought of you…“I’m sorry. I really am. I don’t want to lose you, and.. And Tony and I, we’re not going to happen.. Its not going to happen again.. That’s if you still want to do this.. If not.. I’ll go.. I just want you to know, that I really only want to be with you.. Which is why I’m not with him.” That name, his name. JJ stood up to his feet and clenched his fist harder, “Tony? Tony…Tony St-Stonem…” Cook had told JJ plenty of times how much Tony messed around with girls. It didn’t help that JJ didn’t have a good history with the Stonems considering how Effy fucked his best mates over. He glared at Alissa and bit down on his lip,” It…it could have been anyone but him…” He turned away from her and leaned against the wall. I mean.. I know we really haven’t been together that long.. But I just.. I can’t picture myself without being able to say ‘Oh yeah. That’s JJ. My boyfriend..’ And I really don’t want to. I just.. I’m sorry. I don’t think I can say that enough..” JJ looked at Ali, the girl he was willing to give his all to. It hadn’t been that long but she was already bored with him, finding adventure on someone else’s lips. He didn’t know what to say or do but he knew what he was feeling inside and it sucked. Emily or Cook weren’t around to help him through this but right now, he didn’t want anyone around. “Just tell me what you want me to do.. And I’ll do it…” He had to explode, let go of this built up stress and anger. Sadness was seeping from his eyes and a lump began to form in his throat. “I think you should just go…” he said low and slowly. His hands were becoming red from holding back his anger, he needed to throw something. “I think you should go…now.” JJ simply just walked away, Ali hadn’t made a move towards the door yet but he couldn’t hold on much longer. He walked into his room and slammed the door, causing things to go crashing off of his wall and desk. He flipped his side table over and punched at the wall, leaving a few good dents. JJ marched around huffing, knocking things over until he finally just sunk to the floor with his arms over his head.
Alissa didn’t move. She couldn’t make her legs work. She was cemented in place as he yelled at her to leave, but she couldn’t. She didn’t want to leave things like that, even if it was what he wanted, she couldn’t do it. She did say she would do whatever he wanted her to do, but no this, this was to hard. To painful. She couldn’t just leave things like that. She winced, at every little bang and crash she heard coming from behind his door. She held her breath as she waited for him to emerge, but he didn’t. What was so wrong with Tony? Why was it such a big deal that it was him? He was just a guy, no one really important to Bristol, not that she knew of. What could he possibly have done that would make everyone be angry with him? And with that, her phone buzzed with texts from him, but she couldn’t bring herself to actually read it, not just yet. She had to find out where she stood with JJ, if that was even possible. He would probably just slam the door in her face and tell her leave, or call her things that would just make her feel worse then she already did. Which was a long shot. If she didn’t care about JJ why would she make such the big effort to tell him, and figure out what she was going to do? It would be pointless if they would just end up separating in the end, which most couples did. She hated being the debby downer, but it was true. Nothing seemed to last forever in her life. Something always happened and she was always the one to blame. Her dad in the car accident? She didn’t see the truck coming. Her mum’s suicide? She wasn’t a good enough daughter, worthless. Never what her mum wanted from her. Her mum even blamed her for her dads death. Jake? Oh he hated her because she made him move away from all they ever knew because its what she thought would be best for them, in reality maybe it would have been better if they stayed, she wouldn’t be in this stupid fight with JJ, and she wouldn’t have kissed Tony. Hell. If she never met Tony she would be happy here with JJ, cuddling on his couch and watching movies all day, but no. Happiness in Alissa’s life was never the case. She always ruined something. Everything went wrong, never good enough Alissa. The girl who should be alone forever, because if she is with someone, she would just break their fragile little hearts, just like she always did. She found herself slowly walking over to the door, careful not to make to much noise, she tried to listen, but didn’t hear anything through the door. But she knew he was in there, thankfully the rampage had ended, and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to see the damage done, because that would just be another thing that was her fault. She sighed, debating on if she actually wanted to take this chance, the chance of him yelling at her, and telling her to fuck off for the last time, and how he never wanted to see her again. She lifted her hand and gently tapped on the door, regretting her choice almost instantly. She knew it would happen, the yelling, the fuck yous, the I hate yous. But she had made a mistake, and she had to own up to it sooner or later, she had to take full responsibility for what she did, it was the grown up thing to do, and if JJ said he didn’t want her anymore, so be it. Maybe she really was meant to be alone, after all.
JJ heard a light tapping at his door. He assumed it was Emily or someone, thinking Ali stormed out long ago. He thought about ignoring it but stood to his feet, really seeing the damage he had done to his room…again. His knuckles were bleeding but he was proud of himself for being able to refrain for as long as he did. JJ opened the door to see Ali standing there, he wiped his face not wanting to show he had cried. “I…I uh thought you left.” He swallowed hard, wincing at the stinging in his hand. Blood dripped down his arm but he tried to ignore it and hide it from her. JJ didn’t open his door fully, not wanting Ali to see what he was capable of, he worked so hard at being ‘normal’ and wasn’t going to let his aspergers get in the way. “Ali..” he said her name breathlessly and looked her in the eye, “…what do I say? What do I do?” He stepped out of his room and walked towards the bathroom to wash his hand. He could feel her watching him, every step he took. JJ sighed again and turned on the water, cringing at the pain. “I can’t keep beating myself up every time someone hurts me. I don’t want to be hurt.” He didn’t face her, he kept straight forward at the sink, rinsing his hand. “I want to be with you…nothing has changed that. There’s still so much we don’t know about each other but…” He grabbed a rag and wrapped it around his hand, facing her, “I need time to think. We both do…I guess..I don’t want to break up with you. I’m not a physical person but this,” he held his hand up, “…is what happens when I can’t control myself.” He walked up to her but he couldn’t bring himself to touch her, to hold her and kiss her like he wanted to. She had kissed someone else, and that very thought was burning through his brain. “Space. That’s all. Only for a little while. I need to get my head together.”
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Shitty Movies | Date Night @Alissa
JJ hoped out of the shower and wiped off his hair with his towel before walking into the kitchen. He opened the fridge and thought about drinking out of the carton since no one was home but it was against his better judgement so he decided to grab a glass. He drank the juice and walked into his room to get dressed for when Ali came over. JJ slid on a fresh pair of boxers and his jeans, setting his shirt down neatly on the bed. He was running some gel through his wet curly hair when he heard a knock at the door. He walked out of his room and over to the door with a huge smile on his face. JJ opened the door and saw Ali standing there, causing his smile to grow bigger, “How are you..” he went in for a hug when he realized he hadn’t put on his shirt yet but decided not to worry about it. He closed the door behind her and wrapped his arms around her, “You look beautiful today…” He leaned in and kissed her savoring the moment. He was excited to finally get to see Ali again after so long.. “Are you thirsty or anything?” He didn’t want to let go of her but he pulled back and headed towards his room, “…I should probably put a shirt on.”
Alissa was glad when JJ texted her, she was surprised at how much she actually missed him. Even with the events that had happened with Tony, she wasn’t going to let it ruin her time with her boyfriend, it was stupid that she had cheated on him, and so soon in the relationship, and she really hated herself for what she did, but she could only blame herself for that, or maybe Tony, she smiled at that thought. Everything could be Tony’s fault, it would just make everything so much easier. She wrapped her arms around her as she walked over to the pub. Jeans and a fitted t-shirt were good for staying in, but going outside, and the cold just made her regret her fashion choice. She was thankful when she arrived at the pub, not only did it save her from the cool air, but it also made her excited because she was so close to being with the wonderfully charming JJ. She walked up the stairs to the flat and knocked on the door, her stomach knotting as she waited. When he finally opened the door her smile brightened. He pulled her into a hug, and she blushed at the complement, and muttered a thank you as he kissed her. She felt her stomach do silly little flips as she pressed her lips to his, she wanted to stay in that moment, savoring it. But he pulled away, asking if she was thirsty and she shook her head no. She was being shy and quiet, possibly because she was guilt about Tony was scared that if she opened her mouth it would somehow slip out. She took a deep breath as she watched him walk into his room. She walked over and sat on the couch trying to control her thoughts, she rubbed her temples, shooting her head up when he walked over to her. She changed her expression to a happier one, and smiled at him, “So what stupid movie will we not be watching?” She put some emphasis on the word hoping he would catch her joke, but not really caring if he did or not.
JJ chuckled and knelt over Ali as she sat on the couch. He kissed her nose and reached for the dvds on the table beside her and sat down next to her. “Depends are you in the mood for scary but boring or just plain boring.” They decided on the scary one and JJ turned off the lights. Scary movies weren’t really his thing but he could handle it if it meant spending time with Ali. Their bodies were tangled together on the couch but Ali was laying a little tense. JJ scooted over and held her in his arms. The movie started and he could tell it wasn’t worth watching int he first place. The monsters in the movie were obviously wearing masks and JJ found it odd how people could get things like this published. Fake blood was splattering all over the screen at this point and neither of them seemed interested. He kissed Ali again, slowly moving his hands up and down her body exploring her curves. One hand found it’s way in her hair. He rolled around, still holding Ali in his arms switching their position so that he was on top of her. Screams echoed from the T.V. but they weren’t phased by it. JJ smiled in between kisses, he missed Ali more than he could imagine. He moved down inching his way down her neck and towards her collarbone.
Alissa couldn’t keep herself from smiling, even if the movie was awful, she was just glad she was with JJ, she also didn’t really think he was planning on watching much of it anyways, and neither was she. She just really needed someone, or something to distract her, from the stupid thoughts that wouldn’t go away. She couldn’t help feeling guiltier by the minute. Here she was with JJ, after she cheated on him with Tony, and JJ was to good of a person for that, after everything he had done for her, he didn’t deserve this. He deserved better than her, so did Tony. If she cheated on her boyfriend now, then who knows, she might do it again with a new boyfriend. Nothing was stopping her, but the guilt. She was beating herself up for something that already happened, and if it was just going to hurt JJ, why tell him? Not like she was playing on having it happen again. She was happy with JJ, and she wasn’t going to ruin that by telling him the one stupid mistake she made. She relaxed a bit and smiled, mostly happy to be where she was, and with who she was. She smiled when he kissed her the first time, and it felt like the very first time they had kissed, it was sweet and the little shocks were sweet, and she felt them as he kissed slowly down her neck. She giggled at his silly tender touches, it was nice and she didn’t want to move. She ran her hands on his back as they stayed intertwined kissing, she wasn’t even sure what was happening in the movie anymore, but it didn’t really matter anymore, they had something better to do.
JJ caressed her body enjoying how close they were. Ali felt warm against his skin, he pulled back and sighed, “You’re absolutely beautiful….you know that.” He bit the inside of his cheek and looked down shyly. JJ couldn’t believe this beautiful girl was his, sitting in his arms. He wanted to give her everything to make her happy. They rolled over almost falling off the couch but this time Ali was one top. His hands hugged her hips as their lips connected again. Her touch was soft and light but JJ couldn’t help but feel like she was pulling away. He stopped and sat up with her still in his lap, “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do…” JJ moved her hair out of her face and kissed her cheek. He wasn’t the type to rush into sex, of course he wanted it, JJ wanted lots of sex but he was able to control himself most of the time. He cradled her in his arms and chuckled. He could hold her all night if he had to. Being with Ali, even the brief time they knew each other made him feel like his life had some normalcy again. JJ kissed her forehead and laid back down with Ali resting on his chest, “Are you happy? I’m happy,” he whispered the last part just to make sure it was true. For once, JJ wasn’t having anxiety from having to attend a party where he was the focal point, he was more than excited especially now that he’d have Ali there by his side.
“Uh yeah. Totally happy.” She stumbled on her words, not really wanting to admit what she knew she would have to eventually. She managed a smile, not actually looking into his eyes. She traced the design on his shirt, “I’m just glad you’re happy. Really.” She added the last part to reassure her more than him. She wasn’t lying when she told him she was happy, she had no reason to lie about that, he did make her happy, more so than most people. She was just to happy, and she already messed up once, and she couldn’t stand the idea of losing him because she fucked up with Tony. She was tired of losing people in her life, and she didn’t want JJ to be someone she lost, but she had to find a way to talk to him about what had happened with Tony. She took a deep breath and sat up running her fingers through her hair. “Can I ask you something? Like. Without you looking at me like I’m mad? Its silly, but I need someone to help me out.” She played with her fingers, chipping the nail polish off, she didn’t know how to approach this without lying, but without telling him the whole truth. “I have this mate you see, and well.. He fancies this girl, and she has a boyfriend. He has apparently well.. Snogged her a few times.. and she doesn’t want to tell her boyfriend, because she doesn’t want them to break up and..” She rushed the words together, hoping if she got them out faster she wouldn’t feel so guilty about it, but it didn’t work. Her heart was pounding, and she just shook her head. “I want to help.. But I don’t know how to..” She sighed it all sounded so stupid, why couldn’t she just tell him? She made a mistake, but that would mean that she had to admit it out loud, not only to him, but to herself. “Its stupid.. Sorry for asking..”
“Can I ask you something? Like. Without you looking at me like I’m mad? Its silly, but I need someone to help me out.” JJ perched up wondering what Ali needed help with. He nodded still holding on to her, as she spoke she seemed too nervous to make eye contact with him which JJ found odd. “I have this mate you see, and well.. He fancies this girl, and she has a boyfriend. He has apparently well.. Snogged her a few times.. and she doesn’t want to tell her boyfriend, because she doesn’t want them to break up and..” He furrowed his eyebrows and scratched at the back of his head. This story sounded a little close to home and Ali not looking at him caused him to begin to get paranoid. “I want to help.. But I don’t know how to..” JJ straightened up and played with her hand in his, “Your friend should just tell her boyfriend. He’d deserve to know the truth no matter how bad.” JJ licked his lip and bit down before continuing, “My gran always said if you fall in love with two people, then you should always pick the second one. Because if you loved the first one then you wouldn’t have feelings for another…” He hoped he was helping but couldn’t shake this weird feeling. “Um…you don’t have something to tell me right? Sorry I’m just…a bit…edge.” He forced a smile and sighed, “I’ve been put in weird situations before but never one like that one. It would be something new I guess…” he laughed nervously and wrung his hands together. People on the television seemed to be running for their lives, but no matter how much fake blood they put in the film it wasn’t believable. He wanted to sit back and make out with Ali again but the mood seemed to have shifted all of a sudden.
She sighed, looking down at her lap. Her voice was low, “I just.. I don’t know how else to say it.. You’re pretty much the only good thing in my life since my parents died.. and even be for that.. I messed up.. I kissed a mate of mine.. And I don’t want you to go away because I made one stupid mistake…” She continued shaking her head from side to side. “I understand you want me to go.. And if you hate me.. And all that..” She choked out. She sighed waiting for his reaction, or him to say something. She pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, as if she way trying to shield everything away, she didn’t want to have to admit that, to anyone, not even herself. It was only of the hardest things she had to say, because she really didn’t want to hurt JJ. Once she admitted it out loud, it finally became real. A part of her was hoping that it had all been some stupid dream, something made up that she didn’t have to worry about. The first time she met Tony, to the first time they kissed; the feelings, everything. She was fucking everything up like she always did. But he was right, he did deserve to know, she shouldn’t keep something like that from him, it really wasn’t fair. Being cheated on is shit, and she hated herself for doing it in the first place. It was fine up until the person leaves, then it really hits you. Its all over, you have to admit that it happened, and that you were going to hurt the person you cared about, and then you have to figure out why you did it in the first place. She felt awful, it hadn’t really hit her until she saw JJ after she kissed Tony. She brushed part of her hair behind her ear staring at her knees. “I’m sorry..” She whispered, feeling her eyes get all watery like they did before she cried. She sighed trying to think happy thoughts so they wouldn’t over flow, she hated crying in front of people, or rather crying in general.
“I just.. I don’t know how else to say it.. You’re pretty much the only good thing in my life since my parents died.. and even be for that.. I messed up.. I kissed a mate of mine.. And I don’t want you to go away because I made one stupid mistake…” JJ chuckled and looked over at Ali with a smile, “You’re joking right?” He continued to watch her when she started to shrink right in front of him. She pushed herself up into a little ball and hid her face with her knees, “I understand you want me to go.. And if you hate me.. And all that..” The smile dropped from JJ’s face and he took a deep breath and turned to her, “Ali..I..I don’t understand.” She wouldn’t look him in the eye and his chest tightened. He was never put in a situation like this before, JJ was unsure as to how to handle it, “Um, do you love him? The other guy? Ali…do you want to be with him?” JJ stood up from the couch and folded his arms, he looked from Ali to the floor and back at Ali, “Why would you kiss someone else? I-I” He was confused, JJ didn’t understand the concept of cheating once you gave yourself to someone. There was only one of you to go around. “Does this mean I kissed another guy by kissing your lips? I think my tongue was in your mouth…I’m not okay with that.” His mind was fuzzy but so far he hadn’t gotten locked on and started smashing stuff. “I’m sorry..” Her voice was small and JJ almost didn’t hear her a first, he sat down by Ali but this time a little further away and continued to stare straight forward, “Was it only a kiss…or did it mean more to you?” He didn’t look at her, and started to fidget with his hands, old habits die hard, he thought to himself. JJ swallowed hard and clenched his fist together, he refused to get locked on, not in front of Ali, “This hurts Alissa. I don’t know what to say…” His eyes started to burn and his arms flexed the more he held himself in, “Do you feel like you’re forced to be with me? Because I’ve had plenty of pity sex and girls making out with me because they feel sorry for me. I don’t need anyone feeling sorry for me…” For the first time he looked over at her and sighed, his eyes were red, and they stung as he tried to fight the pain, “I want something real.”
“Do you feel like you’re forced to be with me? Because I’ve had plenty of pity sex and girls making out with me because they feel sorry for me. I don’t need anyone feeling sorry for me…” His words stung, but of course they would. They always did. It was the same thing every time. Someone would happen, and she would get the secondary fire. They would volley on for a bit, and then he would give up on her, and leave her; JJ would probably do the same. Kick her out, not talk to her again, the usual. But this time it was different for her, the other other times she had kissed someone else before she moved to Bristol, wasn’t her fault, they did it to her. She didn’t have a choice, she was forced into cheating and ended up losing the people she didn’t want to lose. Now she had fucked up big time, because it was all her choice. She didn’t pull away from Tony, and she even made the move a few times. She felt stupid, and she didn’t have the courage to look him in the eyes because she knew that if she did then she would end up letting the tears spill over. And she wouldn’t let herself cry in front of him, crying was a sign of weakness, and even if she was vulnerable she wouldn’t let that show, she couldn’t. Every time she let it show, she got exactly what she didn’t want. She either got them to be more upset, and yell at her because she had no right to cry when it was all her fault, or they would just not know what to do with themselves and they would just let her sit there while she tried to stop it. “I want something real.” The last part stung the most, apparently this wasn’t real to him, all they had was fake because she fucked up with Tony. Well if she had to she would completely lose contact with Tony, she would erase him from her life, just to be able to stay with JJ. He was more important than most people, even if he didn’t know anything and everything about her, she still cared about him, and the idea of losing someone you trust as much as she did JJ, just scared the living daylights out of her. She took a deep breath, forcing herself to look him in the eyes as she told him the truth. “JJ.. I don’t love anyone.. not yet at least. Yeah, I did fuck up, and pretty much fucked you over, but it was a mistake,” She looked forward, feeling the cold heavy bracelet press against her knee. “When it happened.. I felt awful. I felt guilty.” Her voice became hushed, and she glanced at him. “I only thought of you…” She took another deep breath, calming herself, thankful that the tears kept their place in her eyes. “I’m sorry. I really am. I don’t want to lose you, and.. And Tony and I, we’re not going to happen.. Its not going to happen again.. That’s if you still want to do this.. If not.. I’ll go.. I just want you to know, that I really only want to be with you.. Which is why I’m not with him. Which is why I’m here now telling you what happened. You were right, you deserved to know.. I really wish it didn’t happen.. I mean.. I know we really haven’t been together that long.. But I just.. I can’t picture myself without being able to say ‘Oh yeah. That’s JJ. My boyfriend..’ And I really don’t want to. I just.. I’m sorry. I don’t think I can say that enough..” She sighed standing up and trying to keep herself steady and ready for when he told her it was over, and made her leave. He looked down at her trembling hands as she spoke, not wanting to see his face when he told her it was over, and that he couldn’t forgive her. “Just tell me what you want me to do.. And I’ll do it…”
“JJ.. I don’t love anyone.. not yet at least. Yeah, I did fuck up, and pretty much fucked you over, but it was a mistake,” JJ looked over his shoulder at Alissa once he broke eye contact with her he put his head down, running his fingers through his curly mane. “When it happened.. I felt awful. I felt guilty.” He didn’t say a word, instead he just listened as the anger began to boil in his body. “I only thought of you…“I’m sorry. I really am. I don’t want to lose you, and.. And Tony and I, we’re not going to happen.. Its not going to happen again.. That’s if you still want to do this.. If not.. I’ll go.. I just want you to know, that I really only want to be with you.. Which is why I’m not with him.” That name, his name. JJ stood up to his feet and clenched his fist harder, “Tony? Tony…Tony St-Stonem…” Cook had told JJ plenty of times how much Tony messed around with girls. It didn’t help that JJ didn’t have a good history with the Stonems considering how Effy fucked his best mates over. He glared at Alissa and bit down on his lip,” It…it could have been anyone but him…” He turned away from her and leaned against the wall. I mean.. I know we really haven’t been together that long.. But I just.. I can’t picture myself without being able to say ‘Oh yeah. That’s JJ. My boyfriend..’ And I really don’t want to. I just.. I’m sorry. I don’t think I can say that enough..” JJ looked at Ali, the girl he was willing to give his all to. It hadn’t been that long but she was already bored with him, finding adventure on someone else’s lips. He didn’t know what to say or do but he knew what he was feeling inside and it sucked. Emily or Cook weren’t around to help him through this but right now, he didn’t want anyone around. “Just tell me what you want me to do.. And I’ll do it…” He had to explode, let go of this built up stress and anger. Sadness was seeping from his eyes and a lump began to form in his throat. “I think you should just go…” he said low and slowly. His hands were becoming red from holding back his anger, he needed to throw something. “I think you should go…now.” JJ simply just walked away, Ali hadn’t made a move towards the door yet but he couldn’t hold on much longer. He walked into his room and slammed the door, causing things to go crashing off of his wall and desk. He flipped his side table over and punched at the wall, leaving a few good dents. JJ marched around huffing, knocking things over until he finally just sunk to the floor with his arms over his head.
(Source: bonkersjj)
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Shitty Movies | Date Night @Alissa
JJ hoped out of the shower and wiped off his hair with his towel before walking into the kitchen. He opened the fridge and thought about drinking out of the carton since no one was home but it was against his better judgement so he decided to grab a glass. He drank the juice and walked into his room to get dressed for when Ali came over. JJ slid on a fresh pair of boxers and his jeans, setting his shirt down neatly on the bed. He was running some gel through his wet curly hair when he heard a knock at the door. He walked out of his room and over to the door with a huge smile on his face. JJ opened the door and saw Ali standing there, causing his smile to grow bigger, “How are you..” he went in for a hug when he realized he hadn’t put on his shirt yet but decided not to worry about it. He closed the door behind her and wrapped his arms around her, “You look beautiful today…” He leaned in and kissed her savoring the moment. He was excited to finally get to see Ali again after so long.. “Are you thirsty or anything?” He didn’t want to let go of her but he pulled back and headed towards his room, “…I should probably put a shirt on.”
Alissa was glad when JJ texted her, she was surprised at how much she actually missed him. Even with the events that had happened with Tony, she wasn’t going to let it ruin her time with her boyfriend, it was stupid that she had cheated on him, and so soon in the relationship, and she really hated herself for what she did, but she could only blame herself for that, or maybe Tony, she smiled at that thought. Everything could be Tony’s fault, it would just make everything so much easier. She wrapped her arms around her as she walked over to the pub. Jeans and a fitted t-shirt were good for staying in, but going outside, and the cold just made her regret her fashion choice. She was thankful when she arrived at the pub, not only did it save her from the cool air, but it also made her excited because she was so close to being with the wonderfully charming JJ. She walked up the stairs to the flat and knocked on the door, her stomach knotting as she waited. When he finally opened the door her smile brightened. He pulled her into a hug, and she blushed at the complement, and muttered a thank you as he kissed her. She felt her stomach do silly little flips as she pressed her lips to his, she wanted to stay in that moment, savoring it. But he pulled away, asking if she was thirsty and she shook her head no. She was being shy and quiet, possibly because she was guilt about Tony was scared that if she opened her mouth it would somehow slip out. She took a deep breath as she watched him walk into his room. She walked over and sat on the couch trying to control her thoughts, she rubbed her temples, shooting her head up when he walked over to her. She changed her expression to a happier one, and smiled at him, “So what stupid movie will we not be watching?” She put some emphasis on the word hoping he would catch her joke, but not really caring if he did or not.
JJ chuckled and knelt over Ali as she sat on the couch. He kissed her nose and reached for the dvds on the table beside her and sat down next to her. “Depends are you in the mood for scary but boring or just plain boring.” They decided on the scary one and JJ turned off the lights. Scary movies weren’t really his thing but he could handle it if it meant spending time with Ali. Their bodies were tangled together on the couch but Ali was laying a little tense. JJ scooted over and held her in his arms. The movie started and he could tell it wasn’t worth watching int he first place. The monsters in the movie were obviously wearing masks and JJ found it odd how people could get things like this published. Fake blood was splattering all over the screen at this point and neither of them seemed interested. He kissed Ali again, slowly moving his hands up and down her body exploring her curves. One hand found it’s way in her hair. He rolled around, still holding Ali in his arms switching their position so that he was on top of her. Screams echoed from the T.V. but they weren’t phased by it. JJ smiled in between kisses, he missed Ali more than he could imagine. He moved down inching his way down her neck and towards her collarbone.
Alissa couldn’t keep herself from smiling, even if the movie was awful, she was just glad she was with JJ, she also didn’t really think he was planning on watching much of it anyways, and neither was she. She just really needed someone, or something to distract her, from the stupid thoughts that wouldn’t go away. She couldn’t help feeling guiltier by the minute. Here she was with JJ, after she cheated on him with Tony, and JJ was to good of a person for that, after everything he had done for her, he didn’t deserve this. He deserved better than her, so did Tony. If she cheated on her boyfriend now, then who knows, she might do it again with a new boyfriend. Nothing was stopping her, but the guilt. She was beating herself up for something that already happened, and if it was just going to hurt JJ, why tell him? Not like she was playing on having it happen again. She was happy with JJ, and she wasn’t going to ruin that by telling him the one stupid mistake she made. She relaxed a bit and smiled, mostly happy to be where she was, and with who she was. She smiled when he kissed her the first time, and it felt like the very first time they had kissed, it was sweet and the little shocks were sweet, and she felt them as he kissed slowly down her neck. She giggled at his silly tender touches, it was nice and she didn’t want to move. She ran her hands on his back as they stayed intertwined kissing, she wasn’t even sure what was happening in the movie anymore, but it didn’t really matter anymore, they had something better to do.
JJ caressed her body enjoying how close they were. Ali felt warm against his skin, he pulled back and sighed, “You’re absolutely beautiful….you know that.” He bit the inside of his cheek and looked down shyly. JJ couldn’t believe this beautiful girl was his, sitting in his arms. He wanted to give her everything to make her happy. They rolled over almost falling off the couch but this time Ali was one top. His hands hugged her hips as their lips connected again. Her touch was soft and light but JJ couldn’t help but feel like she was pulling away. He stopped and sat up with her still in his lap, “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do…” JJ moved her hair out of her face and kissed her cheek. He wasn’t the type to rush into sex, of course he wanted it, JJ wanted lots of sex but he was able to control himself most of the time. He cradled her in his arms and chuckled. He could hold her all night if he had to. Being with Ali, even the brief time they knew each other made him feel like his life had some normalcy again. JJ kissed her forehead and laid back down with Ali resting on his chest, “Are you happy? I’m happy,” he whispered the last part just to make sure it was true. For once, JJ wasn’t having anxiety from having to attend a party where he was the focal point, he was more than excited especially now that he’d have Ali there by his side.
“Uh yeah. Totally happy.” She stumbled on her words, not really wanting to admit what she knew she would have to eventually. She managed a smile, not actually looking into his eyes. She traced the design on his shirt, “I’m just glad you’re happy. Really.” She added the last part to reassure her more than him. She wasn’t lying when she told him she was happy, she had no reason to lie about that, he did make her happy, more so than most people. She was just to happy, and she already messed up once, and she couldn’t stand the idea of losing him because she fucked up with Tony. She was tired of losing people in her life, and she didn’t want JJ to be someone she lost, but she had to find a way to talk to him about what had happened with Tony. She took a deep breath and sat up running her fingers through her hair. “Can I ask you something? Like. Without you looking at me like I’m mad? Its silly, but I need someone to help me out.” She played with her fingers, chipping the nail polish off, she didn’t know how to approach this without lying, but without telling him the whole truth. “I have this mate you see, and well.. He fancies this girl, and she has a boyfriend. He has apparently well.. Snogged her a few times.. and she doesn’t want to tell her boyfriend, because she doesn’t want them to break up and..” She rushed the words together, hoping if she got them out faster she wouldn’t feel so guilty about it, but it didn’t work. Her heart was pounding, and she just shook her head. “I want to help.. But I don’t know how to..” She sighed it all sounded so stupid, why couldn’t she just tell him? She made a mistake, but that would mean that she had to admit it out loud, not only to him, but to herself. “Its stupid.. Sorry for asking..”
“Can I ask you something? Like. Without you looking at me like I’m mad? Its silly, but I need someone to help me out.” JJ perched up wondering what Ali needed help with. He nodded still holding on to her, as she spoke she seemed too nervous to make eye contact with him which JJ found odd. “I have this mate you see, and well.. He fancies this girl, and she has a boyfriend. He has apparently well.. Snogged her a few times.. and she doesn’t want to tell her boyfriend, because she doesn’t want them to break up and..” He furrowed his eyebrows and scratched at the back of his head. This story sounded a little close to home and Ali not looking at him caused him to begin to get paranoid. “I want to help.. But I don’t know how to..” JJ straightened up and played with her hand in his, “Your friend should just tell her boyfriend. He’d deserve to know the truth no matter how bad.” JJ licked his lip and bit down before continuing, “My gran always said if you fall in love with two people, then you should always pick the second one. Because if you loved the first one then you wouldn’t have feelings for another…” He hoped he was helping but couldn’t shake this weird feeling. “Um…you don’t have something to tell me right? Sorry I’m just…a bit…edge.” He forced a smile and sighed, “I’ve been put in weird situations before but never one like that one. It would be something new I guess…” he laughed nervously and wrung his hands together. People on the television seemed to be running for their lives, but no matter how much fake blood they put in the film it wasn’t believable. He wanted to sit back and make out with Ali again but the mood seemed to have shifted all of a sudden.
She sighed, looking down at her lap. Her voice was low, “I just.. I don’t know how else to say it.. You’re pretty much the only good thing in my life since my parents died.. and even be for that.. I messed up.. I kissed a mate of mine.. And I don’t want you to go away because I made one stupid mistake…” She continued shaking her head from side to side. “I understand you want me to go.. And if you hate me.. And all that..” She choked out. She sighed waiting for his reaction, or him to say something. She pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, as if she way trying to shield everything away, she didn’t want to have to admit that, to anyone, not even herself. It was only of the hardest things she had to say, because she really didn’t want to hurt JJ. Once she admitted it out loud, it finally became real. A part of her was hoping that it had all been some stupid dream, something made up that she didn’t have to worry about. The first time she met Tony, to the first time they kissed; the feelings, everything. She was fucking everything up like she always did. But he was right, he did deserve to know, she shouldn’t keep something like that from him, it really wasn’t fair. Being cheated on is shit, and she hated herself for doing it in the first place. It was fine up until the person leaves, then it really hits you. Its all over, you have to admit that it happened, and that you were going to hurt the person you cared about, and then you have to figure out why you did it in the first place. She felt awful, it hadn’t really hit her until she saw JJ after she kissed Tony. She brushed part of her hair behind her ear staring at her knees. “I’m sorry..” She whispered, feeling her eyes get all watery like they did before she cried. She sighed trying to think happy thoughts so they wouldn’t over flow, she hated crying in front of people, or rather crying in general.
“I just.. I don’t know how else to say it.. You’re pretty much the only good thing in my life since my parents died.. and even be for that.. I messed up.. I kissed a mate of mine.. And I don’t want you to go away because I made one stupid mistake…” JJ chuckled and looked over at Ali with a smile, “You’re joking right?” He continued to watch her when she started to shrink right in front of him. She pushed herself up into a little ball and hid her face with her knees, “I understand you want me to go.. And if you hate me.. And all that..” The smile dropped from JJ’s face and he took a deep breath and turned to her, “Ali..I..I don’t understand.” She wouldn’t look him in the eye and his chest tightened. He was never put in a situation like this before, JJ was unsure as to how to handle it, “Um, do you love him? The other guy? Ali…do you want to be with him?” JJ stood up from the couch and folded his arms, he looked from Ali to the floor and back at Ali, “Why would you kiss someone else? I-I” He was confused, JJ didn’t understand the concept of cheating once you gave yourself to someone. There was only one of you to go around. “Does this mean I kissed another guy by kissing your lips? I think my tongue was in your mouth…I’m not okay with that.” His mind was fuzzy but so far he hadn’t gotten locked on and started smashing stuff. “I’m sorry..” Her voice was small and JJ almost didn’t hear her a first, he sat down by Ali but this time a little further away and continued to stare straight forward, “Was it only a kiss…or did it mean more to you?” He didn’t look at her, and started to fidget with his hands, old habits die hard, he thought to himself. JJ swallowed hard and clenched his fist together, he refused to get locked on, not in front of Ali, “This hurts Alissa. I don’t know what to say…” His eyes started to burn and his arms flexed the more he held himself in, “Do you feel like you’re forced to be with me? Because I’ve had plenty of pity sex and girls making out with me because they feel sorry for me. I don’t need anyone feeling sorry for me…” For the first time he looked over at her and sighed, his eyes were red, and they stung as he tried to fight the pain, “I want something real.”
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Shitty Movies| Date Night @Alissa
JJ hoped out of the shower and wiped off his hair with his towel before walking into the kitchen. He opened the fridge and thought about drinking out of the carton since no one was home but it was against his better judgement so he decided to grab a glass. He drank the juice and walked into his room to get dressed for when Ali came over. JJ slid on a fresh pair of boxers and his jeans, setting his shirt down neatly on the bed. He was running some gel through his wet curly hair when he heard a knock at the door. He walked out of his room and over to the door with a huge smile on his face. JJ opened the door and saw Ali standing there, causing his smile to grow bigger, “How are you..” he went in for a hug when he realized he hadn’t put on his shirt yet but decided not to worry about it. He closed the door behind her and wrapped his arms around her, “You look beautiful today…” He leaned in and kissed her savoring the moment. He was excited to finally get to see Ali again after so long.. “Are you thirsty or anything?” He didn’t want to let go of her but he pulled back and headed towards his room, “…I should probably put a shirt on.”
Alissa was glad when JJ texted her, she was surprised at how much she actually missed him. Even with the events that had happened with Tony, she wasn’t going to let it ruin her time with her boyfriend, it was stupid that she had cheated on him, and so soon in the relationship, and she really hated herself for what she did, but she could only blame herself for that, or maybe Tony, she smiled at that thought. Everything could be Tony’s fault, it would just make everything so much easier. She wrapped her arms around her as she walked over to the pub. Jeans and a fitted t-shirt were good for staying in, but going outside, and the cold just made her regret her fashion choice. She was thankful when she arrived at the pub, not only did it save her from the cool air, but it also made her excited because she was so close to being with the wonderfully charming JJ. She walked up the stairs to the flat and knocked on the door, her stomach knotting as she waited. When he finally opened the door her smile brightened. He pulled her into a hug, and she blushed at the complement, and muttered a thank you as he kissed her. She felt her stomach do silly little flips as she pressed her lips to his, she wanted to stay in that moment, savoring it. But he pulled away, asking if she was thirsty and she shook her head no. She was being shy and quiet, possibly because she was guilt about Tony was scared that if she opened her mouth it would somehow slip out. She took a deep breath as she watched him walk into his room. She walked over and sat on the couch trying to control her thoughts, she rubbed her temples, shooting her head up when he walked over to her. She changed her expression to a happier one, and smiled at him, “So what stupid movie will we not be watching?” She put some emphasis on the word hoping he would catch her joke, but not really caring if he did or not.
JJ chuckled and knelt over Ali as she sat on the couch. He kissed her nose and reached for the dvds on the table beside her and sat down next to her. “Depends are you in the mood for scary but boring or just plain boring.” They decided on the scary one and JJ turned off the lights. Scary movies weren’t really his thing but he could handle it if it meant spending time with Ali. Their bodies were tangled together on the couch but Ali was laying a little tense. JJ scooted over and held her in his arms. The movie started and he could tell it wasn’t worth watching int he first place. The monsters in the movie were obviously wearing masks and JJ found it odd how people could get things like this published. Fake blood was splattering all over the screen at this point and neither of them seemed interested. He kissed Ali again, slowly moving his hands up and down her body exploring her curves. One hand found it’s way in her hair. He rolled around, still holding Ali in his arms switching their position so that he was on top of her. Screams echoed from the T.V. but they weren’t phased by it. JJ smiled in between kisses, he missed Ali more than he could imagine. He moved down inching his way down her neck and towards her collarbone.
Alissa couldn’t keep herself from smiling, even if the movie was awful, she was just glad she was with JJ, she also didn’t really think he was planning on watching much of it anyways, and neither was she. She just really needed someone, or something to distract her, from the stupid thoughts that wouldn’t go away. She couldn’t help feeling guiltier by the minute. Here she was with JJ, after she cheated on him with Tony, and JJ was to good of a person for that, after everything he had done for her, he didn’t deserve this. He deserved better than her, so did Tony. If she cheated on her boyfriend now, then who knows, she might do it again with a new boyfriend. Nothing was stopping her, but the guilt. She was beating herself up for something that already happened, and if it was just going to hurt JJ, why tell him? Not like she was playing on having it happen again. She was happy with JJ, and she wasn’t going to ruin that by telling him the one stupid mistake she made. She relaxed a bit and smiled, mostly happy to be where she was, and with who she was. She smiled when he kissed her the first time, and it felt like the very first time they had kissed, it was sweet and the little shocks were sweet, and she felt them as he kissed slowly down her neck. She giggled at his silly tender touches, it was nice and she didn’t want to move. She ran her hands on his back as they stayed intertwined kissing, she wasn’t even sure what was happening in the movie anymore, but it didn’t really matter anymore, they had something better to do.
JJ caressed her body enjoying how close they were. Ali felt warm against his skin, he pulled back and sighed, “You’re absolutely beautiful….you know that.” He bit the inside of his cheek and looked down shyly. JJ couldn’t believe this beautiful girl was his, sitting in his arms. He wanted to give her everything to make her happy. They rolled over almost falling off the couch but this time Ali was one top. His hands hugged her hips as their lips connected again. Her touch was soft and light but JJ couldn’t help but feel like she was pulling away. He stopped and sat up with her still in his lap, “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do…” JJ moved her hair out of her face and kissed her cheek. He wasn’t the type to rush into sex, of course he wanted it, JJ wanted lots of sex but he was able to control himself most of the time. He cradled her in his arms and chuckled. He could hold her all night if he had to. Being with Ali, even the brief time they knew each other made him feel like his life had some normalcy again. JJ kissed her forehead and laid back down with Ali resting on his chest, “Are you happy? I’m happy,” he whispered the last part just to make sure it was true. For once, JJ wasn’t having anxiety from having to attend a party where he was the focal point, he was more than excited especially now that he’d have Ali there by his side.
“Uh yeah. Totally happy.” She stumbled on her words, not really wanting to admit what she knew she would have to eventually. She managed a smile, not actually looking into his eyes. She traced the design on his shirt, “I’m just glad you’re happy. Really.” She added the last part to reassure her more than him. She wasn’t lying when she told him she was happy, she had no reason to lie about that, he did make her happy, more so than most people. She was just to happy, and she already messed up once, and she couldn’t stand the idea of losing him because she fucked up with Tony. She was tired of losing people in her life, and she didn’t want JJ to be someone she lost, but she had to find a way to talk to him about what had happened with Tony. She took a deep breath and sat up running her fingers through her hair. “Can I ask you something? Like. Without you looking at me like I’m mad? Its silly, but I need someone to help me out.” She played with her fingers, chipping the nail polish off, she didn’t know how to approach this without lying, but without telling him the whole truth. “I have this mate you see, and well.. He fancies this girl, and she has a boyfriend. He has apparently well.. Snogged her a few times.. and she doesn’t want to tell her boyfriend, because she doesn’t want them to break up and..” She rushed the words together, hoping if she got them out faster she wouldn’t feel so guilty about it, but it didn’t work. Her heart was pounding, and she just shook her head. “I want to help.. But I don’t know how to..” She sighed it all sounded so stupid, why couldn’t she just tell him? She made a mistake, but that would mean that she had to admit it out loud, not only to him, but to herself. “Its stupid.. Sorry for asking..”
“Can I ask you something? Like. Without you looking at me like I’m mad? Its silly, but I need someone to help me out.” JJ perched up wondering what Ali needed help with. He nodded still holding on to her, as she spoke she seemed too nervous to make eye contact with him which JJ found odd. “I have this mate you see, and well.. He fancies this girl, and she has a boyfriend. He has apparently well.. Snogged her a few times.. and she doesn’t want to tell her boyfriend, because she doesn’t want them to break up and..” He furrowed his eyebrows and scratched at the back of his head. This story sounded a little close to home and Ali not looking at him caused him to begin to get paranoid. “I want to help.. But I don’t know how to..” JJ straightened up and played with her hand in his, “Your friend should just tell her boyfriend. He’d deserve to know the truth no matter how bad.” JJ licked his lip and bit down before continuing, “My gran always said if you fall in love with two people, then you should always pick the second one. Because if you loved the first one then you wouldn’t have feelings for another…” He hoped he was helping but couldn’t shake this weird feeling. “Um…you don’t have something to tell me right? Sorry I’m just…a bit…edge.” He forced a smile and sighed, “I’ve been put in weird situations before but never one like that one. It would be something new I guess…” he laughed nervously and wrung his hands together. People on the television seemed to be running for their lives, but no matter how much fake blood they put in the film it wasn’t believable. He wanted to sit back and make out with Ali again but the mood seemed to have shifted all of a sudden.
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TEXT @ JJ
- Karen: Do you mind if i tag 'long wiff Freds and Emma to the party, seeing a ive got nothin else to so..
- JJ: You make it seem like it's a chore to hang out with me. Karen I know deep down somewhere you can actually stand me. I don't mind if you come, the more the merrier! Unless we're talking about deaths or debts or the possibilities of zombies roaming the Earth.
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Shitty Movies| Date Night @Alissa
JJ hoped out of the shower and wiped off his hair with his towel before walking into the kitchen. He opened the fridge and thought about drinking out of the carton since no one was home but it was against his better judgement so he decided to grab a glass. He drank the juice and walked into his room to get dressed for when Ali came over. JJ slid on a fresh pair of boxers and his jeans, setting his shirt down neatly on the bed. He was running some gel through his wet curly hair when he heard a knock at the door. He walked out of his room and over to the door with a huge smile on his face. JJ opened the door and saw Ali standing there, causing his smile to grow bigger, “How are you..” he went in for a hug when he realized he hadn’t put on his shirt yet but decided not to worry about it. He closed the door behind her and wrapped his arms around her, “You look beautiful today…” He leaned in and kissed her savoring the moment. He was excited to finally get to see Ali again after so long.. “Are you thirsty or anything?” He didn’t want to let go of her but he pulled back and headed towards his room, “…I should probably put a shirt on.”
Alissa was glad when JJ texted her, she was surprised at how much she actually missed him. Even with the events that had happened with Tony, she wasn’t going to let it ruin her time with her boyfriend, it was stupid that she had cheated on him, and so soon in the relationship, and she really hated herself for what she did, but she could only blame herself for that, or maybe Tony, she smiled at that thought. Everything could be Tony’s fault, it would just make everything so much easier. She wrapped her arms around her as she walked over to the pub. Jeans and a fitted t-shirt were good for staying in, but going outside, and the cold just made her regret her fashion choice. She was thankful when she arrived at the pub, not only did it save her from the cool air, but it also made her excited because she was so close to being with the wonderfully charming JJ. She walked up the stairs to the flat and knocked on the door, her stomach knotting as she waited. When he finally opened the door her smile brightened. He pulled her into a hug, and she blushed at the complement, and muttered a thank you as he kissed her. She felt her stomach do silly little flips as she pressed her lips to his, she wanted to stay in that moment, savoring it. But he pulled away, asking if she was thirsty and she shook her head no. She was being shy and quiet, possibly because she was guilt about Tony was scared that if she opened her mouth it would somehow slip out. She took a deep breath as she watched him walk into his room. She walked over and sat on the couch trying to control her thoughts, she rubbed her temples, shooting her head up when he walked over to her. She changed her expression to a happier one, and smiled at him, “So what stupid movie will we not be watching?” She put some emphasis on the word hoping he would catch her joke, but not really caring if he did or not.
JJ chuckled and knelt over Ali as she sat on the couch. He kissed her nose and reached for the dvds on the table beside her and sat down next to her. “Depends are you in the mood for scary but boring or just plain boring.” They decided on the scary one and JJ turned off the lights. Scary movies weren’t really his thing but he could handle it if it meant spending time with Ali. Their bodies were tangled together on the couch but Ali was laying a little tense. JJ scooted over and held her in his arms. The movie started and he could tell it wasn’t worth watching int he first place. The monsters in the movie were obviously wearing masks and JJ found it odd how people could get things like this published. Fake blood was splattering all over the screen at this point and neither of them seemed interested. He kissed Ali again, slowly moving his hands up and down her body exploring her curves. One hand found it’s way in her hair. He rolled around, still holding Ali in his arms switching their position so that he was on top of her. Screams echoed from the T.V. but they weren’t phased by it. JJ smiled in between kisses, he missed Ali more than he could imagine. He moved down inching his way down her neck and towards her collarbone.
Alissa couldn’t keep herself from smiling, even if the movie was awful, she was just glad she was with JJ, she also didn’t really think he was planning on watching much of it anyways, and neither was she. She just really needed someone, or something to distract her, from the stupid thoughts that wouldn’t go away. She couldn’t help feeling guiltier by the minute. Here she was with JJ, after she cheated on him with Tony, and JJ was to good of a person for that, after everything he had done for her, he didn’t deserve this. He deserved better than her, so did Tony. If she cheated on her boyfriend now, then who knows, she might do it again with a new boyfriend. Nothing was stopping her, but the guilt. She was beating herself up for something that already happened, and if it was just going to hurt JJ, why tell him? Not like she was playing on having it happen again. She was happy with JJ, and she wasn’t going to ruin that by telling him the one stupid mistake she made. She relaxed a bit and smiled, mostly happy to be where she was, and with who she was. She smiled when he kissed her the first time, and it felt like the very first time they had kissed, it was sweet and the little shocks were sweet, and she felt them as he kissed slowly down her neck. She giggled at his silly tender touches, it was nice and she didn’t want to move. She ran her hands on his back as they stayed intertwined kissing, she wasn’t even sure what was happening in the movie anymore, but it didn’t really matter anymore, they had something better to do.
JJ caressed her body enjoying how close they were. Ali felt warm against his skin, he pulled back and sighed, “You’re absolutely beautiful….you know that.” He bit the inside of his cheek and looked down shyly. JJ couldn’t believe this beautiful girl was his, sitting in his arms. He wanted to give her everything to make her happy. They rolled over almost falling off the couch but this time Ali was one top. His hands hugged her hips as their lips connected again. Her touch was soft and light but JJ couldn’t help but feel like she was pulling away. He stopped and sat up with her still in his lap, “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do…” JJ moved her hair out of her face and kissed her cheek. He wasn’t the type to rush into sex, of course he wanted it, JJ wanted lots of sex but he was able to control himself most of the time. He cradled her in his arms and chuckled. He could hold her all night if he had to. Being with Ali, even the brief time they knew each other made him feel like his life had some normalcy again. JJ kissed her forehead and laid back down with Ali resting on his chest, “Are you happy? I’m happy,” he whispered the last part just to make sure it was true. For once, JJ wasn’t having anxiety from having to attend a party where he was the focal point, he was more than excited especially now that he’d have Ali there by his side.
